The Pain Is Too Much Now

The first 2 weeks of separation were magical. I just knew things were progressing and getting better. At the end of the week we shared intimacy on 2 separate days.

Then it changed. A few hours after our last intimate moment there was rejection. Since that Sunday evening, May 18th, everything has gone to shit.

She has gotten dramatically better as I have tanked. Her grandparents said that her face looks more relaxed. They’re right too. She is more relaxed.

Our first 2 weeks I had enjoyed relaxation. Since I have descended into a private hell.

Last weekend is when she hit me with needing more time. 2 full weeks before we were supposed to discuss it, she already knew she needed more time. We discussed it a few days later. I got in trouble because I had been upset. What’s wrong with realizing I’m needing more time in advance? We discussed it a little longer. Ok, we’ll re-evaluate on the 6th like we planned.

That’s absurd. Telling me your decision 2 weeks in advance and then telling me we’ll see how things are at the agreed time is insulting. I’m supposed to think you’re going to have changed your mind all of a sudden? No, that was said to placate me. I don’t want to be pandered to, it’s insulting.

So there’s My Bride, relaxing like crazy. Here I am, in my private hell. I’m td to “work on myself” while we’re apart. Fine, just understand that I have no fucking support and you have the fucking world falling all over themselves to help you. It’s got to be a lot fucking easier to work on you when that’s backing you up.

This is where I am now. It’s not that I want to die, it’s i don’t want to be around anymore. My pain has become so unbearable I’m having a hard finding anything positive at all.

I’m alone and hurting. I have nobody supporting me. I have nobody to hug or to hold. She has everything. I can’t take this anymore.

About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
This entry was posted in Depression and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to The Pain Is Too Much Now

  1. Patty B. says:

    I’m so sorry your going through this and doing it alone.. I’m here to listen.. Just know there is someone that cares..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s