Mindfully Compassionate

We were intimate last night. It wasn’t TOTALLY out of the blue- we had a pretty awesome encounter over the weekend. But last night was the whole-enchilada. We have not had enchiladas since the middle of June and I really like enchiladas…

This all comes on the heels on My Wife saying she was making an effort to work on our marriage. She said that last Friday. When she said it, a major wall came down. As in, I was in process of moving out and about to file for divorce. When she said she was trying…those plans and ideas and concepts all vanished. Immediately. I cried when she said it. We were driving too so there was nothing for me to do but drive and do my thing.

The next day- I was instantly motivated to actually DO something around the house. Her waking me up and providing me with a bit of pleasure didn’t hurt either. I was super motivated then.

I worked with minimal bitching. I WANTED to do my part- I wanted to please her. I do the kitchen, so I’ve made sure to keep it under relative control since then.

Something interesting has happened. My previous emotional roller coaster- it isn’t very hilly right now. Just a bump here and there. I’m not trying to plan a new future by myself. I’m where I belong again- in my marriage.

Before- I had decided we were too far gone. I had accepted our fate. I had even developed a new mindset and had come to peace with it. I didn’t WANT it, but that’s the wY it was going to happen. I had moved out of our room and into another part of the house. We only saw each other early in the mornings (if that) or whenever one of us first came home. Otherwise I’d go straight to my room. But last Friday, she asked me to sleep with her again. She even said please.

:::heart melted there:::

Everything was falling back into place for our marriage.

For me- the last piece of the puzzle came in yesterday afternoon.

I had spent such a long time viewing myself as someone who needed protection and help.
You’re mentally ill…
You need help…
You’re sick…

I even wrote that I was messed up and would always need help.

I was wrong.
I am NOT messed up.
I have problems just like everyone else. Mine might be different than yours, but we both have them. The way I react to my problems and stressors may not make sense to you- but that’s how MY brain tells me to react. I’m not sick. I’m just me.

Another thing is something I learned as an extension of my Dialectical Behavior Therapy. I learned to view everything through the lens of compassion.

That’s when it hit me:
My Wife needs help and protection too. Helping her and protecting her is MY job.

Bailing out on our marriage is the LAST thing I’m supposed to do. “She’s not meeting my needs”
Shut up and help her.

I discovered that by helping My Wife, I’m helping myself too.

That’s the cycle I’ve been looking to get on.

About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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