Not Good Enough

She canceled our date.
Do you really think I’m a dictator?

We had a text fight because of my blog.
I was really looking forward to this, but then I read your blog. Instant mood change.

I don’t fucking understand. Here are the things she has:
1. A house full of family.
2. Family members outside of the house that will drop anything to support her if need be.
3. People to talk to.

Here’s what I have:
1. My blog

That’s it, that’s all I’ve got. She has told me to not censor myself. The blog is for you to blow off steam, get your thoughts and emotions out. It’s your place. Except when I day something she’s not cool with, then it’s a fucking crime.

I can’t believe you said that.
Take that down, it’s too personal.
That really hurt me.

This blog, my ONE FUCKING OUTLET IN THE FUCKING WORLD, is offensive to her.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

I called her a few nights ago in a desperate position. You need to be talking to someone else about these things while we’re separated. 2 blog comments that day said the same fucking thing. “Leave her alone and give her space.”

This fucking blog is my only fucking place to vent without talking to her. IT’S NOT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH.

She’s pissed of or hurt by my thoughts and feelings.

What the fuck am I supposed to do!?!?
Does ANYBODY have a clue!?

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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3 Responses to Not Good Enough

  1. She shouldn’t be reading your blog. You should protect it or move it. It is your time and place for support for you. It is basically the same thing as calling her and spilling your guts. It does neither of you any good. She may see it as being sneaky or whatever, but the truth is that she is continuing in her codependency and pain shopping and punishment. She is being passive-aggressive and unfair about it. If she really wanted you to be free to express yourself 1) she wouldn’t be reading it 2) if she reads it, she wouldn’t call you to task about it. It is a way for her to keep control. I can totally understand her desire to know what is going on, but it is so very unhealthy. It keeps pulling her back into a cycle of your addiction and struggles and allows her to not focus on herself. She can keep directing her anger at you and not look at how she is/isn’t dealing with her own issues.

  2. Her reading your blog is not emotionally healthy for either of you. It’s a healing place for you sort out your feelings, things you learn in therapy and get prospective to move on. Your blog should be your private space to heal, like a journal only those with permission can read.

    • MyJourney says:

      Agreed, however, I can no more control what she does as I can stop the sun from rising. I will say that this hasn’t been an issue since this post was written. In fact, we’re in a totally opposite place.

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