I stopped focusing on sex/porn addiction issues in late July, 2014. Since that time, I have found that I have ZERO issues with sex/porn addiction issues.
It’s the damnedest thing ever.
That was when I began focusing on my mental state full time. Well, by full-time, I mean NOT spending my time focusing on NOT focusing on sex/porn shite. From that point on, I became more and more determined to fix my mind.
I had been referred to a new therapist in order to treat my Borderline Personality Disorder. THAT referral has been, what I consider to be, a watershed event in my life.
I became involved with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). This therapy is built around a concept known as mindfulness. There are MANY different types of mindfulness. From meditation to simple breathing. One can eat mindfully, look upon things mindfully, listen mindfully…pretty much anything that involves the senses. The single most important thing: Do NOT be judgmental.
Listen to nature and simply be present, bring no judgment to the situation. The sounds are neither pleasing nor annoying; they are just sounds.
Eat what is before you. Taste each ingredient casting no judgment; there is no pleasant or unpleasant- there are just flavors.
Look at a picture for five minutes. Notice the colors. Are there colors? What do you notice most about the picture? Do you notice any negative (empty) space? Can you describe what you see using words you would not normally use?
Breath and focus only on the rhythm and type of breathing you are doing. Is it fast or slow? Shallow or deep? Where do you feel the sensation of breathing on your body the most? Should your mind float away, simply guide it back, without judgment, back to your breathing.
The breathing is what I tend to do most of all.
Each of these exercises, and there are hundreds more, are designed to keep us in the present- the here and now. One cannot be focusing on a picture of a flower, taking mental notes of every detail AND be in deep thought over their problems.
I mentioned that I had realized my lack of desire to act out to my therapist this evening. “Ever since I became involved with mindfulness, I don’t have abnormal sexual urges. No porn desires, no constant thoughts of sex. I’m not constantly hounded by my mind over sex anymore.”
The reason is, you can’t think about two things at once. You have gotten to a point where you can feel yourself slipping into trouble and you begin using the skills we work on together. Research shows that mindfulness develops the frontal lobe- it’s a higher-level of thinking. Look, we’re all animals. The human being has three basic needs: eat, sleep and reproduce. Those are hard-wired into our minds. Mindfulness helps us to bypass our animalistic brain and go to our higher-level thinking.
“Oh, yeah, so before, I was focused on NOT focusing on sex and porn. No wonder I was struggling.”
Exactly, essentially, you were constantly telling yourself to not think of pink elephants.
I laughed pretty good, that’s one of my favorite analogies.
I told him I would be writing about this topic tonight.
“I wish others could discover this stuff. It’s life-altering.”
So here o am, writing about mindfulness. Some get spooked because you COULD go the meditation route if you wanted. I do that sometimes and I really like it. “But that’s Buddhism!”
No it’s not, you dolt!
It’s Buddhism if you follow the tenants of Buddhism. They have a philosophy and such. Meditation is just like the breathing I described. Think about nothing. BOOM! You’ve meditated!
Some guys won’t do this stuff because…it’s stupid or its “gay.”
Sure, man. You tell yourself that. As for me, I’ve found something that is working for me. I don’t ask you to like it. I ask you to consider it and not just pitch it because you think it’s dumb.
I went through EVERY possible treatment or group available in my area. I even went to a few AA meetings. I completed a Celebrate Recovery group. I don’t feel like I really got anything from it. Mindfulness though, THAT’S my jam.
It works for me.
Think about it.
Just don’t think about those pink elephants anymore.