I have finally come to terms with the death of my marriage’s intimacy. I will no longer pursue a solution. Should one happen, it is because God wills it.
My Wife IS very capable of providing comfort. I found that out yesterday. That comfort, however, is fleeting. I now know there will never be an intimate relationship in my marriage. I have accepted it and have made peace with it. In fact, I believe the previous however many months was me going through the grieving process.
I did ask My Wife to look into dealing with her trauma. She said no, but I know she has to do it eventually.
I also asked her to look into the information I have provided her in communicating/interacting effectively with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m pretty sure she’s not interested.
It’s crazy, I’ve been at total peace whenever I focus on the finality of everything. Marital intimacy is dead, I’m dealing with my demons and she is doing as she feels is right. Just a few days ago I’d have lost my mind over these things. But I can’t change anyone’s reaction or mindset.
One of my skills is Coping Ahead. As I understand it- that means expect the best, plan for the worst. That’s where I am.
Life is so hard sometimes. I do hope for your wife’s sake that she gets some individual help. Your right in that she did not do the cheating, but she has been greatly affected by it and needs help in learning how to move forward, whether in any kind of relationship with you or not. I do hope she finds peace, and you as well.
For your wife’s own sake she needs a good trauma therapist. She has been hit by a bus. The sooner she can get help the better. She needs someone who is just going to deal with the trauma, someone who is not going to blame her for your bad choices.
Nobody, therapy wise, has blamed her for my choices btw.