Sobriety Day 90
I’m of a different opinion on this from yesterday. I’m EXCITED to celebrate 90 days.
Which To Choose
“It’s like there are at least 3 different people inside of me. The asshole, you’re here to love them and , the obnoxious and the guy that is compassionate and caring” is how therapy started yesterday. The Good Doctor: “These are your different parts. You have to get to know each one, let them know they’re welcome that they don’t need to be in charge anymore; that’s your job.”
I described the fight My Bride have been having. The Good Doctor bitch-slapped me. “It seems you just want to be right. That’s not how it works. You’re making you and your wife adversaries. You can be right or you can be happy. Neither are wrong. Being right means fighting a lot and being happy means being happy. If you choose to be happy, you are serving her. Which do you want to choose?” http://youtu.be/7q7NAD_OyTc
I told My Bride about this. That I’m going to try to be happy instead of fighting. THAT is going to be very difficult. I have a lifetime of fighting and aggressively. There are going to be some pretty shitty things ahead as I try to relearn how to be a decent human.
After I told My Bride of my coming to terms with arguing, she just sat there. In complete silence she stared at me for a moment. Just as quick as she had looked at me, she turned her gaze back to her work.
We discussed this in greater detail when we went to bed. Actually, we discussed for about 15 seconds and I went to monologue mode. I must have spoken for 30 minutes as she just listened. I said prayers over My Bride and our marriage and that was that. I lay there for about a minute waiting for her to pray over me. It never happened. There’s something’s incredibly painful about hurting your spouse so badly they won’t even pray for you.
This is far more difficult than I had expected. There’s actually work to be done. I need to get motivated again and get busy. I want the exceptional marriage. I just don’t want to work for it. This is the first time in my adult life I’ve put effort into something. Now I feel myself wanting to slide back into selfishness.
I pray for strength
Desire to serve My Bride
Desire to serve God