Sobriety Day 3

Day 3
To say I was up and down today would be an insult to the directions. Today, I created new definitions for the words up and down.

1. Emotional state in which the participant feels there is no hope for future success.
“He heard life tell him to fuck off”

1. Emotional state in which the participant feels there is no barrier to success.
“He told negativity to fuck off”

I’m a bloody mess today. I awoke pissed off and the day went downhill from there. If you had the misfortune of being in my thoughts, you were despised and mentally/emotionally trashed. I treated you less than human.

And then I read 2 comments.

The first was referenced in this post. It was an eye opener. It totally kicked my ass into reality.

The other came shortly after.
Chip is right. Your addict is fighting the good man in you. She owes you nothing. You’re lucky she doesn’t ruin your life. She could. Be the man you fucking need to be.

Another ass-kicking comment.

Gentlemen, thank you for being real with me. I cannot thank you enough.

I spent 2 posts bad-mouthing my bride. The woman, who in spite of my sexual acting out, has chosen to stand by my side and kick the shit out of sex addiction.
Hey, asshole. Remember that lady?
She did not try and kick my ass. She did not tell. She did not cry. She took me on and said, “Cut that shit out. Get over yourself and man the hell up.”

My friend, Chip, has a way with words. The essence of his comment was:
You don’t deserve her. You’re being a dick. Stop screwing everything up.

SARecover’s comment boils down to:
You’re lucky to have this incredible woman. Stop fucking it up and man up.

Put all of that together, just before I walk into my therapist’s office (I was an asshole railing on him as well), and mix in his incredible words ….. annnnnd

Those comments and experience taught me a valuable lesson today: You don’t deserve shit. Get your ass in there and work hard. You’re lucky to be where you are.

Message received!

Oh, yeah. I’m sober for the 3rd straight day.

About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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1 Response to Sobriety Day 3

  1. chipgruver says:

    So good to read this. As much as I would love to take credit, I was praying as a i typed.

    “God use this. Wake him up. Give him hope.”

    What happened today was done with an ounce of Chip and a ton of the Holy Spirit (and the ounce I gave was originally from the Holy Spirit). He must love you. He is bringing you to repentance, which is the way He loves you.

    It is the strange thing about grace. It is from God but it most often flows through the hearts of others. The analogy I like is that grace flows down from God to me. I am not to hold it in but to push it out horizontally to others. But i would be a fool to call myself the source.

    Far from it, the real joy is in watching my Father (and yours!) work through someone as screwed up as me. This is a powerful joy.

    And guess what, you are that grace to me as well and to others. I am so encouraged tonight to see you repenting. That is God pouring grace down on you and then you direct it out to me for building me up. Thank you.

    it is an honor to be on this road with you, my friend.


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