I do not feel loved.
I feel rejected. I feel my presence is one of convenience and I’m just tolerated. If I were gone, my absence would cause a minor inconvenience. Getting the kids where they need to be would become more difficult. That’s about the extent of the inconvenience.
Here’s a reason I feel rejected.
Whenever people walk I to the room, My Bride’s face lights up with a smile. When I walk into the room, she sometimes looks up. Our fucking dog gets a better reception than I do.
“You’re not a very happy person. It’s really hard to be happy around you.”
Yeah, I’m not a happy person.
I’m not fucking happy because I’ve been shit upon my entire life. I don’t have anything to smile about.
My wife had led me to believe our relationship was healing. That was a fucking lie.
My wife had led me to believe we were having some joyful times. Come to find out, it was a fucking lie.
She doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t even want me to touch her.
Yeah, my joy has been destroyed.
“You have a nice house, your family loves you and you have a good job.”
• My family can’t stand me.
• My house is falling apart.
• I hate my job.
• I’m a professional failure.
• I’m worthless as a person.
• I’m an evil guy.
• nobody would like me if they saw the real me.
“You don’t think your kids like you?”
“No, I had to bribe our oldest son with dinner so he’d hang out with me.”
“I tricked you into loving me. You didn’t meet me, you met the guy who wasn’t leading the secret life. That guy was hidden from everyone. Now that you know everything about me, you don’t even like me.”
“I feel sad that you see your family through your filter.”
At least she feels SOMETHING for me. At this point, I’m happy to get her pity.
