30 Day Challenge Day 3

My First Love

Freshman year of high school.
Went with her for about a year.

It was there I learned I won’t end a relationship, I will be an asshole until they end it. I knew I wanted out for several weeks but didn’t have the guts to do it. I have NEVER ended a relationship. Not once. Not ever.

My Wife stated a few weeks back that she thinks this is my plan for our marriage. It’s not. Subconsciously it might have been, but that is certainly NOT my desire. I can’t imagine life without My Wife and I don’t want to imagine life without her. She is the thing that completes me and makes me whole.

I think my borderline personality disorder combined with her issues of dealing with my infidelity have created a witches brew of feeling and emotion that will take a very long time to work through. I have severe issues with our lack of intimacy and she has equally severe issues providing that intimacy. Her fear being that it never returns.

I don’t share that fear.

It WILL return
Of THAT I am very confident.

My fear is in the timing.
Can I survive the mental anguish in that interim space while she is unable to provide intimacy? That’s my worry.

And how did I get there from the subject of the challenge?

Oy!

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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