Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.
(Ephesians 6:13-18 MSG)
I spoke with my sponsor last night for the first time in ages.
“You’re making recovery about saving your marriage and that will only lead to failure. Remember what got you here, man. You have gotten lazy. I can look at every time, since I’ve known you, where you’ve fallen apart. Every single time you got lazy with your recovery. Do you think maybe God is trying to tell you something?”
True words indeed.
I see myself on a spiritual merry-go-round. God tries to teach me a lesson, I appear ready for the test to move on only to fail the same test, at the same place over and over. My life has, for YEARS, seemed to fit this mold. As in, I’ve had this mental image for at least 5 years. My Bride mentions how she has grown weary (I made it sound a bit nicer) of my constantly f@¢£!ng stuff up. I truly get it; I’m sick of it too.
I’m REALLY wanting to get off this ride and move on. I want to grow and I’m pretty confident she’ll end up growing alongside of me.
How Do I Get Off This Thing?
The only thoughts I have on this are to follow the direction of my sponsor. He said, “I want you to study and meditate over Ephesians 6:10-20 in the Message Bible for the next 30 days. It changed my outlook on recovery and I think it might do the same for you.”
I’ve already had surface interaction with it. “Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon.”
As you know, Dear Reader, I am a part-time Biblical Scholar. I’ll be happy to interpret that for you.
That stuff you’ve been learning?
Yeah, it’s not just for group time and when crap is going on. LIVE IT, you schmuck!
I learned that recovery is for me, not my marriage. My Bride or marriage could die tomorrow well before me. I have to live the rest of my life with me. I MUST do the best I can with the only me I have.