Meandering Through The Pain

It’s interesting, life. You think you have a handle on things. You think you have an idea of what’s going on. You think there’s some sort respite from fighting and slogging through life. You think you have a CLUE about the general direction in which life is progressing.

You don’t know anything.

I thought, foolishly, that when I moved home from being separated, there would be a time of happiness. There was, I guess. That time lasted about 2 weeks. My marriage has been going down the tubes ever since.

My Bride says it’s all in my mind. This whole thing is because I started a fight a week ago. Everything was just fine up until then.

I became highly aware of things the last week of July when she started her new job. She would come home and sit on the couch. That was it, as far as OUR interaction went. She talked it up with her sister. Sure, I was in the ROOM, which she considers us spending time together, and I suppose it is technically speaking. I wasn’t involved in the interactions. There was conversation, sometimes pretty deep, joking and laughter. There I sat, alone in the same room.

This has gone on and on for 3 weeks. I brought it up last week and was told how wrong I was. We do stuff all the time. We hang out together and watch tv all the time. We got a drink the other night. Those things are true. Like I said, I AM in the room as she chats with her sister. We DID get a drink that weekend, but it was the first thing we had done in weeks.

I would REALLY like it if My Lovely Bride, who I cannot imagine life without, would at least pretend she’s happy to see me at least a few times a week. I know stupid things like kissing, hugging, cuddling and the craziest of all, making love are strictly forbidden, so it would be nice if she would smile at me and say a few words a few times a week. Maybe a high-five could be arranged.

I just don’t understand this. She CLAIMS to love me, that she wants to be married to me. She says she wants to partner with me in every way EXCEPT sex. I can’t freaking tell.

Here’s something odd:
She sends very nice texts to me during the day. “How’s it going? Are you doing ok?” There have even been smiley faces this past week. Home life is a faaaaar different situation. She is unbelievably cold to me. There are NO smiles; it just doesn’t happen. There are no nice words. It truly seems that she endures our home life so she can go to work and be rid if me.

I ask her to go to counseling.
No, I don’t want to.

I tell her I’m unhappy.
You do what you need to do.

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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