The Sex Addict’s Corollary

It has been many moons since I have written and much has happened.

Whence last I wrote, I was on the proverbial mountaintop and ascending at incredible rates. My mental state was at a lifetime high, my marriage was in unprecedented happiness and the only thing lacking was a job.

There have been a few developments and I’m just now at a place where I can write.

I have been on the teacher job hunts of all teacher job hunts. I USED to be a band director. I held that position for 13 good years, 1 horrible year and 1 disastrous year. I served 17 years last year as an elementary school music teacher (it was 1 year that seemed to last 17). During the last two months of school (April and May), I began my job search. I began hitting it incredibly hard in June. Still jobless at the beginning of July, panic had started to set in. I started applying for positions I’m not even certified to teach. “Am I certified to teach science? No, but I’m taking the test in 2 weeks. When will the scores come? Ah, no problem. The scores show up 2 days after school starts.”

I finally got my job and, yes, I am certified for it. I’m not on that mountaintop though. In an odd interplay of events, I was knocked down a bit.

I had interviewed for a position that included teaching computers and coaching football. I accepted. The next day, “Hey, something came up and we have to reopen the position.”“So I don’t have the job?” “No you don’t.” I was crushed.

The next day I dropped off resumes anywhere I could. At the exact moment I pulled into my drive, the principal at the school I have wanted to teach at for years called. We want to hire you.” “I want to work for you.” The next thing you know, I’ve got my job.

There’s a crazy thing though. I got the job I wanted from the beginning, but for some reason, I was terribly affected by the rejection by the school that hired me only to fire me the next day. At first, I didn’t think that it would mess with me at all. I was disappointed, but I’d be alright. That was not the case.

It seems that even now, nearly 3 weeks after the event, I’m effected by the event. Not as badly but still some.

Another change…
My Bride has gone back into a “I don’t care about sex” mode again. In the past this would have hurt me badly, not so now. I talked it over with Therapist BEFORE it happened. She said, “Sex is like cake. Some people don’t like very much cake. We don’t think they’re crazy or unloving people. They just don’t want cake.” That was a good analogy and one we used around the house until today. It’s flawed though. The presentation and/or consumption of cake does not impart connotations of intimacy and love. God did not design cake for intimacy.

Anyway, My Bride knows it’s an issue. It’s NOT the issue of the past. She, however, is of the mindset (as far as I know) that things have gone back to the say they were before. They have not.

Should we go another 6 months with sexual contact, I’ll certainly survive, but I truly think that’s about it. Here’s what I mean…

Anytime we have gone extended periods without sex, I have suffered mentally. I guess this makes sense, being I’m a SEX ADDICT and such. This year, the longer we went, the further down I went. This EXACT time last year is when this enter business started. Our sex life took a very sharp decline with my mental state closely in tow. Whenever she would give in, I would get noticeably better for several days.

The question has to be asked, Have things gone back to the way they were before? yes and no.

Yes-
I believe, looking back, my mental state is directly correlated to my sex life.

No-
My reaction to being rejected is no longer accusatory, grouchy or self-pitying.

The next few weeks will be interesting to say the least. I’m truly curious to see what happens.

I’m so happy about what has happened since Iv’e come home and leading up to it. Life has try changed. Our disagreements have changed to civility. THAT alone is tremendous. Throw in our renewed intimacy and respect and it’s tremendouser.

It’s almost as if God has a plan.

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
This entry was posted in Discovery, Healing, Marriage Issues, Mental Health, Progress, Recovery, Relationship, Sex Addiction and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to The Sex Addict’s Corollary

  1. love your honesty and transparency. keep trusting God and the things that He wants for you will be there.

  2. Ya know…her recent sexual troubles are probably more to do with triggers than anything right now. You mentioned that it was this time last year that everything was falling apart. She’s probably realized that herself and is having tdouble focusing on the now.

    H and I wers doing okay. But as the “anniversary” of our life crumbling came nearer, he and I also began to have a lot of troubles. I also know many other couples have the same problem. It all takes time (unfortunately). 2 steps forward..12 giant leaps backward. Focus on that, rather than her pulling away sexually and things will start to fall back in place.

    Congratulations on your new job. Even better that its the one you wanted..how many of us get that? Awesome.

    • MyJourney says:

      It’s been awhile since I wrote that, so I’m not really sure how I expressed myself. She WAS triggered. From what she said, it had nothing to do with timing. It had everything to do with circumstances. She saw something around the house that tripped a switch and the next day I said something that flipped the trigger the rest if the way.

      I don’t see it as a big deal to be honest. We were asexual for 6 months, I can handle this. Besides, my birthday was last week. A year ago there was no sexual contact. This year, she was very nice to me. We didn’t…💫✨💢💥💦💦 or anything, but she got the job done and it was a win-win! 😏

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