“You’re ready, get with her and take care of this. We aren’t done with each other yet, so don’t think you’re rid of me. Let me know how things are going and we’ll start back up when you’re ready.”
-Therapist, this afternoon
Today was my last session, for now, with my therapist. I simply can’t believe I typed those words in a non-pissed-off way. A month ago I would have laughed at you had you suggested that to me. Now, I feel ready and so did Therapist.
She gave me a referral for Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).
DBT is a therapy designed to help people change patterns of behavior that are not effective, such as self-harm, suicidal thinking and substance abuse. This approach works towards helping people increase their emotional and cognitive regulation by learning about the triggers that lead to reactive states and helping to assess which coping skills to apply in the sequence of events, thoughts, feelings and behaviors that lead to the undesired behavior. DBT assumes that people are doing the best that they can, but either are lacking the skills or are influenced by positive or negative reinforcement that interfere with one’s functioning.
I THINK that translates to it makes me process information and think gooder, I think.
I do know this therapy allegedly takes a year. So I have that $25 a week co-pay to look forward to!
If DBT has any kind of affect on me like CBT did, I’m in good shape.
Highlights From Therapy
• Discussed how I can’t listen to music anymore due to job-related trauma. I was a band guy in a former life and there were BRIBERY accusations. Bribery. For the band guy. Seriously, I was accused of taking a bribe from a travel company.
I didn’t do it.
If they saw my bank account, they would realize, immediately, I was honest.
• Discussed my new job.
Yep, I got a job today.
Teaching science and coaching tennis. Two things I’m good at.
• Discussed how I have dramatically changed over the years.
In years past I was incredibly impulsive. Somehow, I have become incredibly analytical, over-analytical at times. What brought about the change?
“Grad school, it had to be grad school.”
Grad school changes us, it’s supposed to.
It’s kind of interesting, my major adult traumas began at the time a started grad school. I can also say, with 100% confidence, I was at the deepest of my addiction at that time.
Being analytical is fine, but we can be over-analytical to the point of paralysis. In fact, we can go as far as to justify our behaviors.
“Interesting, because I’ve been both of those. Over-analyzing since August and justifying as long as I can remember.”
That was when I told her of my grad school/addiction/trauma coincidence.
That’s pretty interesting. You know what? From what I’m hearing and seeing, this might be the healthiest you’ve been in you entire life.
“I totally agree, I have never been happier and I’ve certainly never felt like I’ve been in control of my life before. This is a completely new experience.”
I don’t think there are appropriate words to express the mental change I’ve been through since May 6, 2014. If My Bride tragically passed away, I would be able to survive on my own. There’s no chance I could have even entertained that thought back then. Come to think of it, I’d do more than survive, I might even thrive a little.
I’m nowhere near complete on this journey. I’ve really just taken my first couple of true steps. BUT, and a big hairy butt at that, I AM moving forward! My life is flowing in the positive direction. My mental state has more than stabilized, my marriage has more than reconciled, my career is starting over and I’ve started dreaming again.
The original purpose of this blog was to “Document my journey through sexual and pornography addiction and the progress of my marital recovery.” I initially spent a good deal of time on addiction, switched to almost entirely about marriage, sprinkled some mental health in, total marriage and now it’s about rebuilding.
I have been posting much less frequently and my readership has fallen dramatically as a result. I noticed that as I improved, I have less to say. In addition to that, positive posts don’t really get read very much. C’est la Vie.
Life is good
God is good
Let them work