Right Thoughts And Stuff

Right actions bring right thoughts. That.s something my SA sponsor told me time and again. Maybe it was because I thought he was creepy or I was simply rebellious of the program and recovery (it was likely both), I didn’t want to listen to what he had to say.

Chasing a rabbit here- The guy was like 75. Now, I respond very well to older people. My Bride thinks it’s a father figure thing, which is almost assuredly true. This guy truly creeped me out.
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If that was the guy you had to spill your guts to, you may think twice about it as well…Yes, I know, I may be going to hell for that. Since I’m not Catholic, I’m not too worried about it.

I spent a LOT of time in the recovery wilderness. I went to my final SA meeting on January 1, 2014. My initial Celebrate Recovery meeting was a few days later at, what can only be called, a rather snooty church that is (lift nose 10 degrees) ‘VERY concerned about your troubles.’ (nose up an additional; 10 degrees). I went a few times, liked the first meeting I actually got to attend (the initial attendance you have to go to a ‘this is what we’re about’ group). The last group I attended had several of the nose lifters in attendance. I got up and left immediately after they talked down to everyone. ‘Where are you going?’ “Home, I don’t want to listen to that” {drops mic}.

I spent the next couple of weeks thinking that maybe I’m different. “I’m not experiencing any temptations, I’m doing just fine. Maybe I don’t need to go to any meetings at all. I’ve heard that 12 step doesn’t work for everyone, maybe I’m that guy.”

It was almost immediately I was nailed with unimaginable temptation and neediness. I became hugely depressed. Interestingly enough, this is precisely the same time my relationship with My Bride began the slide into the crapper.

During my time in the wilderness, God showed me that the cliche of “Right actions brings right thinking” was a cliche for a reason. I went to church a few times. I didn’t WANT to go, but I did it. I began praying. That led me to go to a prayer meeting, which led me to allow the group to pray for me. That led me to be touched by God. If you’re not a believer you can laugh or snicker or whatever, I know what I experienced. That experience led me to start praying for My Bride aloud again. That led to her admitting she couldn’t pray for me, which led to me going bat-crap crazy about it. I don’t know if it’s related or not, but I ended up banished from my home immediately after. That led me to performing the right actions of prayer, attending groups and church and prayer meetings and doing everything I was told to do by my support group. THOSE things all led me to being back home.

Are they related? Don’t know and I don’t really care. In my mind they ARE related. A led to B led to C…led to being home. I’m done questioning and over-analyzing this stuff. God has a plan, I don’t have a clue what it is, but I’m along for the ride.

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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