God Hit Me Again

Some of the recovering steps may seem odd or unnecessary. But each step is critical if we’re determined to trek the proven path to freedom. Celebrate Recovery

Holy crap-a-roonie!
I had thought most all of the recovery steps were unnecessary for a long time until tonight.

I read the quote above in my step meeting this evening. It came at the end of a character study and it was as if God hit me with a 2X4 of reality. Of you are a new reader, I do REAL well when hit with hardcore reality. As in, I respond quite well when faced with reality in aggressive and especially rude ways.

When My Bride first hit me with how she truly felt about sex, she wasn’t nice. In fact, she was downright aggressive. When she told me of her opinions of my addiction and selfishness, she was HIGHLY aggressive. When Our marriage therapist told me My Bride wasn’t my enemy and I needed to choose to accept or reject that right now, she wasn’t nice. When Pastor told me what I actually needed he wasn’t a nice guy. I respond to directness very well. Sometimes a lot of the time that directness pisses me off, but that’s ok. I get over it and learn.

There I sat, listening as everyone else moved on after reading that quote. The other guys started to discuss the lesson and share time began. I sat there dumbfounded. God had grabbed me by the neck and smacked me about with truth. I LOVE IT!

When separation began, I would say I was going through the motions in my recovery, I didn’t WANT to be in recovery. I was doing it to keep My Bride and family. It’s interesting that I realized that as we watched Fireproof the other night. The male lead was experiencing the exact same thing. He was making his efforts to keep his wife from divorcing him. Halfway through he discovered he truly wanted his efforts to succeed. He no longer half-assed his actions. He put his everything in them.

I can honestly say it took the very real possibility of loosing my family for me to get serious. I started to attempt real change. I embraced my relationship with God. I began to embrace recovery. I began to embrace changing as a man, I realized I had zero control over my life. I had to give up and surrender.

It’s funny how that surrender led to God radically changing my life.

I love these changes. Thank God I learned this in time.

About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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