The first week of separation was, shall we say, spent in the wilderness. You could also say that I wasn’t too worried about purity either. That all changed on May 10, a scant 4 days into separation.
Perusing the standard fare of addiction, purity and how to not be a dick websites, I came across something I’d never before seen. “If you’re pleasuring yourself, your recovery is bullshit.”
Wow, that hit me betwixt the eyes. From that day on I’ve been on the straight and narrow.
I found myself near the gutter over the past two weeks. As I was getting pulled out of the gutter, I realized I had been experiencing major withdrawal symptoms. I ain’t no mo.
I might regret writing this later, but, I have no temptation to use pornography. I don’t think about it, I don’t dream about it, I don’t wish I could be using it there’s currently no desire to use. There’s no desire to act out.
Here is where I must be careful. Being a believer, as I am, I strongly believe el diablo is cooking something up to hit me with. Something that seems totally ok or innocuous, nothing to worry about. BAM! (onomatopoeia) I’m nailed with major temptation. This is where prayer and my relationship with God comes in.
Only through the power of God will I be delivered. Only by the power of God am I where I am today. Thank you, God, for bringing me to where I am. I know you finish what you start. I’m excited to see the finished product!