In one word, our evening together was AMAAAAZZZZZIIINNNNNNNGGGGG! (you HAVE to follow that link btw)
I told her a few weeks ago that I wanted us to watch Fireproof, a movie about healing your marriage through mindfulness and trusting God. Tonight, we made it happen. A good deal of the movie describes our situation perfectly. If you take out the wife having an emotional affair and tremendous advice coming from the parents, it’s our story. I highly recommend the movie.
When the movie was over I went over to kiss her. There was a lengthy back and forth where we discussed our relationship. How can we be sure the constant fights don’t return? We can’t be sure, but the enormous pain I’ve been through motivates me to continue working so we never go back. Plus I think we’ve been working on the issues that caused us to fight. Specifically, whenever I sense myself getting riled up or uncomfortable, I start doing one of my mindfulness exercises.
It was during this back and forth she said the most beautiful 7 words I’ve ever heard. I want you to come back home. Agggghhhh! My heart melted right then and there.
We discussed some logistical things. Do I move in immediately or do we ease back into it? We decided to ease into it. That was our original plan to begin with. I won’t see her until Saturday (5/7/2014), then we’ll have family Sunday and kind of feel our way through the text of the week.
I need my freedom, I have to have space.
Before I never would have known what that meant. Now I know exactly what she needs. I’m excited to meet that need for her.
The weekend after we had experienced our first episode of intimacy a few weeks ago, My Bride said, “It’s like you think every time we get together we have to be passionate or incredibly intimate. That’s not how it is. The thing is, she was right. I knew she was right, there’s no way I would have admitted it back then. I realized the truth tonight.
As we were kissing and rubbing on each other, the lessons I’ve learned bubbled into my mind.
• I don’t deserve anything.
• By kissing and rubbing on me and allowing me to do the same, she is giving herself to me. I have to be respectful of what that.
• Our intimate encounters are not about me and my pleasure. They’re about us and our connection.
Tremendous experiences today.