Today marks 30 days of sobriety since my last acting out. It has been a bitch of a 30 days too. The past week has been most treacherous. The most painful times I’ve experienced, over an extended period, and a seeeeerious desire to make the pain go away.
One thing I have been working on is mindfulness. I didn’t know what that meant, in terms of recovery, when I was told to work on it. My therapist just said “Work on mindfulness” and I didn’t ask any questions, that’s really odd for me too… I found a mindfulness coach app. It is pretty incredible, unbelievable, stupendous good at describing what to do and how to do it. The app has guided exercises that sound stupid (mindful breathing, mindful walking), but are incredibly helpful when I get over myself and just do them.
I have found a few other apps that have helped me as well. One gives me daily steps to work on. Another is just straight up informational for BPD. This last one, Fluid Monkey, is strangely peaceful. You’re interacting with a fluid, you can alter it if you want, and just mixing it around. Totally mindless, completely perfect for me.
The most important thing I’ve encountered during my successful times had been relaxation.
Calm down
Chill
Be smoof
Chat with JC and the Man
Chill
That’s pretty much my recipe of working on me. I don’t know why I got away from it. I do know I’m getting back to it post haste.
