Screw It, I’m Doing My Thing

I made my decision. I’m going to continue blogging. When I see her next I’m going to ask My Bride to not read it anymore. I believe that is the only true solution that is fair to the both of us.

A commenter said that full expression is where healing comes from. I agree with that 100%. That same commenter said it might be best to let the blog go and attend a support group and express all my feelings there. The only problem is, expressing feelings is strictly forbidden in our meetings. “There is too great a chance you might trigger someone else when you try and get everything out.” That ain’t an option.

I have come across a few things that might chill me out though. This is in response to something My Bride said earlier this evening. It seems like you’re so…angry all the time. That is very true. I am angry all the time (hyperbole). To address this I have sought out relaxation opportunities.

I looked into yoga. That’s not a good option, it’s cost prohibitive for me. I downloaded a few 17 relaxation/mindfulness apps. A few of them look incredibly promising.

This evening my brother told me I need some kind of hobby. Something that would relax me and I could do it by myself. There are a few options here.
• Fishing
• Model Building
• Sewing

The fishing option is appealing to me. I have the gear and a place to go. The only problem is the place to go coincides with the place My Bride goes. It’s a big place, but it’s probably a bad idea.

Model building is something I did watched my dad do when I was a kid. It was cool and all. I’ve done one or two in the last 20 years. It’s probably cost prohibitive if I want to do a good job though.

Sewing is something I was forced into as a kid. My mom sewed things, but she has tremors and it took forever for her to fix things for me. I learned how to do it myself. I’ve never created anything though. Something like cross stitch might be very relaxing. It’s pretty damn fruity, but it might be relaxing. Threading those damned needles could possibly lead me to having a stroke, so I’ll have to consider that.

I don’t have too many other ideas. I have a gym membership, I could go work out.

Hahaha, just kidding.

One thing My Bride has said over and over is how relaxing fishing is for her. I understand that, it is relaxing. She has the privilege of having her sister go with her every time though. Right now I abhor being alone. If I’m to be alone I’ll need to have an activity that is all consuming.

This evening she told me I have to just forget about her right now. Seriously, she told me to forget about her. A little later she asked me why I was so dependent on her. “Because I’m insanely codependent. That doesn’t just go away because we’re separated. In fact, it’s gotten worse. I have to go through a shit load of therapy for this.” Forgetting about her ain’t gonna just up and happen.

I’m open to suggestions for hobbies. I’ve got the 3 ideas. Oh, I like gardening too. It just so happens my garden area is at my house, so that’s out of the question.

Any input, ANY input would be greatly appreciated.

About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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7 Responses to Screw It, I’m Doing My Thing

  1. I agree with asking your Bride not to read your blog…at least for now. Until she is ready, which she is not. She is healing herself to do.

    What I have done is actually hang out with one of my accountability partners and his family every Saturday. It has been very helpful in my walk with God. The other is reading, which I know you do to some extent anyway, One thing you might do, depending on where you live, is collect rocks. I know it sounds stupid…but hear me out. Go rock hunting for one week. Find several different types and style of rocks. Then sit down with each one and write about it’s appearance and how you feel God formed that rock over the course of time. How the waters had to flow over that rock a certain way in order to make into what you found.

    Then I will reblog each one and add my thoughts for each rock. Deal?

  2. I like to volunteer at my neighborhood nursing home. I listen to all the good stories the elderly love to tell.

  3. You could try coloring. Get some really nice detailed books from the book store, use colored pencils and markers. Take a trip to the craft stores, just being in there seeing all the things you can learn and do can be so comforting. You can make jewelry, cards or candles..they’re pretty inexpensive, and giving them as gifts helps a lot too, makes you feel good. And saves you some money. There are always free classes at Home Depot and stuff, you could learn a new skill.

  4. You could also try taking photographs or looking at old photographs and blog about how they make you feel, what you see in them, etc. A picture truly says a thousands words.

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