I made my decision. I’m going to continue blogging. When I see her next I’m going to ask My Bride to not read it anymore. I believe that is the only true solution that is fair to the both of us.
A commenter said that full expression is where healing comes from. I agree with that 100%. That same commenter said it might be best to let the blog go and attend a support group and express all my feelings there. The only problem is, expressing feelings is strictly forbidden in our meetings. “There is too great a chance you might trigger someone else when you try and get everything out.” That ain’t an option.
I have come across a few things that might chill me out though. This is in response to something My Bride said earlier this evening. It seems like you’re so…angry all the time. That is very true. I am angry all the time (hyperbole). To address this I have sought out relaxation opportunities.
I looked into yoga. That’s not a good option, it’s cost prohibitive for me. I downloaded
a few 17 relaxation/mindfulness apps. A few of them look incredibly promising.
This evening my brother told me I need some kind of hobby. Something that would relax me and I could do it by myself. There are a few options here.
• Model Building
The fishing option is appealing to me. I have the gear and a place to go. The only problem is the place to go coincides with the place My Bride goes. It’s a big place, but it’s probably a bad idea.
Model building is something I
did watched my dad do when I was a kid. It was cool and all. I’ve done one or two in the last 20 years. It’s probably cost prohibitive if I want to do a good job though.
Sewing is something I was forced into as a kid. My mom sewed things, but she has tremors and it took forever for her to fix things for me. I learned how to do it myself. I’ve never created anything though. Something like cross stitch might be very relaxing. It’s pretty damn fruity, but it might be relaxing. Threading those damned needles could possibly lead me to having a stroke, so I’ll have to consider that.
I don’t have too many other ideas. I have a gym membership, I could go work out.
One thing My Bride has said over and over is how relaxing fishing is for her. I understand that, it is relaxing. She has the privilege of having her sister go with her every time though. Right now I abhor being alone. If I’m to be alone I’ll need to have an activity that is all consuming.
This evening she told me I have to just forget about her right now. Seriously, she told me to forget about her. A little later she asked me why I was so dependent on her. “Because I’m insanely codependent. That doesn’t just go away because we’re separated. In fact, it’s gotten worse. I have to go through a shit load of therapy for this.” Forgetting about her ain’t gonna just up and happen.
I’m open to suggestions for hobbies. I’ve got the 3 ideas. Oh, I like gardening too. It just so happens my garden area is at my house, so that’s out of the question.
Any input, ANY input would be greatly appreciated.