“You’ve got to find your self-worth in yourself and no one else”
-Everyone that talks to me
How does one find their self-worth? Is it really a thing? I’m told that because I’ve withdrawn from everything and depended on My Bride on everything for such a long time that I’ve come to see us as one entity. If our marriage falters, I have faltered. I can’t allow that to continue.
Late last night I began a new adventure. I’m out to “find” myself, whatever that means. Who am I, what do I like, who do I like, what’s funny, what’s precious to me, what’s my raison d’être? Right now the answers are pretty easy: I Don’t Know.
For MONTHS I badgered My Bride with questions. She didn’t have answers. When she finally answered it was always I don’t know. That answer is one thing that really pisses me off when looming for information. “It’s in your head. What do you mean I don’t know?” would fly through my mind. Here I am, a this time later, and I’m in the same place she was (is) in.
I sit here in my car, writing to organize my thoughts (they do eventually organize, just not on the blog), pondering the great mysteries of life. Something dramatic overwhelms me. My Bride has been feeling something like this for more than 7 months. You could say I feel even worse knowing I bitched about her ‘I don’t know’ answers.
How does one find themselves? I don’t really know and google doesn’t really help out very much on this one. Everything I found says things like ‘imagine the sound of one hand clapping’ or some bullcrap like that. In really not in to eastern philosophies.
My adventure begins today. I’m going to write down what I like and the answers to all those questions above. In going to write down what I’ve accomplished in life and what I want to accomplish moving forward. Stuff like that. Maybe that will help me get started.
Hopefully, after I find out who the heck I am, I might be able to decide if I like him or not. After that I might be able to find some kind of worth in him.