More discoveries. I found an email My Bride sent me in April 2013. There’s A LOT of precious things in it. There’s also brutal honesty. Then, like now, I was struggling about pleasing her.
…you wanted to know how to please me. It comes before and goes so much farther than the bedroom. What I want more than anything in this marriage besides love (I do not doubt your love for me) is to be taken care of. I need security
That was not the first or the last time she has said this. Over the past year she has mentioned the need to be taken care of.
I assumed the family’s financial responsibilities last November. We were in way over our heads, in dire straights. I talked her into declaring bankruptcy. It wasn’t hard, she just needed to see it on paper and weigh the positives and negatives. I’m not any good at running our finances, but it is a stressor off her shoulders. When I took things over and we had gone to bankruptcy court, she td me she felt taken care of. THAT made me happy.
There have been 2 or 3 times this year she has told me she needs to be taken care of or she needs security. This time I didn’t comply. In fact, I went the other direction. Our home became an unsafe place for her (emotionally). The closer we got to our separation, the more we told the other how much we hated the weekends. They put us together for the maximum time. We fought constantly. Now I’m at Brother’s apartment.
What I’m trying to say, with a of this drivel, is if you pay attention, your partner almost always tells you what their needs are. I didn’t pay attention and I’m learning, the hard way, that it’s a critical ingredient in relationships.