I’ve lived my entire life with my head buried in the sands of selfishness. I was told to be selfless and serve My Bride, which I agree with. Then I’m told to put recovery as my #1 priority. That seems incredibly selfish.
I know recovery will lead me to be a better husband and father. I also know that if I don’t fight for my marriage, I’ll lose it and there will be an enormous hole in my heart.
I know, cognitively, that recovery is supposed to come first. That’s what The Good Doctor, former therapist, said anyway. I also know that I’m the cause of my marriage falling apart. My heart says I have to serve My Bride and children first.
I desperately want to put my full effort into both.
Recovery literature says “half measures avail us nothing.” I don’t want to put half effort into any of the things I’m working on. I want recovery and I want my marriage to flourish.
I live in confusing times.