Thursday, Friday and Sunday were magical. My Bride and I had excellent interactions each time. Sunday was, not as good.
My Bride spent all day at our pond with her sister. They hung out and enjoyed the sun and conversation. Their patents showed up around 5 with their boat and they trolled around for several hours. As I was coming home from Celebrate Recovery, I picked up our son from his friend’s house. We got a drink and I took him to the house. We arrived as the family had just started unpacking stuff.
I asked if I could come in and she agreed. We hung out in the living room and had a very nice chat. Our conversation turned very serious, that was not my intention, it just happened. After several minutes she said she needed to stop, she was tired and had a headache from being in the sun so much.
After a few minutes I realized that was my cue to leave. I have become more attuned to these things, but I’m not quite the Wife Whisperer yet, I still need the occasional hint. I took that cue and got up to leave. I’m not getting up to kiss you, I’m too tired. As she say on the couch I dropped down to my knees in front of her and moved in for a kiss. She was nowhere near as receptive as she had been the days before. I enjoyed it, but I was very aware something had popped up.
At the end of the night, as we were texting, I asked her if the standoffishness was because she was tired or if there was something else. It took her a very long time, relatively speaking, to answer back. I was feeling a little smothered.
What sucks is I had asked her just before I kissed her. She had said, No, I’m just tired. “Hey, I asked you about that earlier.” I know, I’m not good at identifying my feelings on the spot.
We discussed, and agreed, on how we were seeing each other far too often for being separated. We decided to put some boundaries in place.
• Stay away from each other (M-F) unless circumstances require otherwise.
• Communication will be via text and email alone unless circumstances require otherwise.
Those were really all we could think of at the time.
The funny thing, we broke the first boundary by 10:45 this morning.
I had just been to an interview and was taking her phone charger I had borrowed to her. I was going to pop it into her car and split. Her car is parked directly outside of her class room, there is a very large window overlooking the picturesque parking lot. I texted her I was there.
“Hey, I’m here, look out the window if you want to see my glorious body.”
I put the cable in her car, but I “accidentally” had to bend over and pick something up.
You’re so cute.
“I hope you got to see my butt.”
Come to my door.
I immediately thought about this breaking our boundary we had JUST set. She even mentioned it. However, and I just remembered this, the entire thing was done could get something from her to drop off at our son’s school. I guess “circumstances warranted” the interaction. I claim victory.
What’s the point? There are 2.
1. I eventually figured out My Bride had become uncomfortable and I needed to leave. I’ve always been oblivious to such things, for the past 4-5 years at least.
2. We set some boundaries and were upset when we thought we had broken them.
There are unresolved issues to be sure. Why the building intimacy? Is it ‘Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder’ or is it something like our separation is providing us the space we need for healing? Probably both I think. When we get back together, will there be a honeymoon period and then things go back to what they were?
I’ve an answer for those.
Yes- there will be a honeymoon period
No- things will not go back
We cannot allow ourselves to fall into the comfortable habits of earlier times. We must be mindful of what’s going on, how we feel as individuals and how we can support and love each other. That’s the only way for us to bond again. It seems we have to learn our lessons the hard way. I guess that’s how we’ll grow strong together, we’ve been through the fires with each other and are surviving.