“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

The Ancient freaking Greeks, at least that philosopher, knew that focus is a huge part of life. Focus on negative and, I’ll be damned, you have yourself a negative outlook. Focus on what you do have and you end up with a grateful spirit.

{side note- I’m fully aware that the Ancient Greeks were brilliant, work with me here}

“For behavior to get out of control, your attention must first get out of control. What we pay attention to is a habit.”
Feed The Right Wolf Video

This is another HUGE concept and it goes right along with the first (probably because I lifted the quote from the video). What we pay attention to is what we are focused on. I know, that isn’t exactly an earth shattering revelation, but I know I haven’t really thought about it. If we’re focusing on filth, we have filthy habits. Focus on purity and pure habits follow. My Bride puts it this way, Trash in, trash out.

I’ve written this before and I’m doing it again know, a LOT of the things I discover on this journey were learned by others during childhood. To stick up for myself- at least I’m finally learning them.

One thing I have learned is there aren’t very many surprises during this journey. Virtually everything I’ve learned has been spoken to me for years. It just took things falling apart for me to understand I’m not a special case and that crap applies to me as well. The ONLY surprise I’ve encountered was the buildup to our separation, but even that had been predicted. Only I thought it was a hopeless step that would inevitably lead to another step.

Therein lies my point I guess. Post after post after post saw me foretelling the inevitable destruction of our marriage {side note- I HAD written several examples, with links, to support the previous statement. I edited that out because it runs contrary to the lesson I’m learning in this post}. Why doze that matter?

Trash in, trash out.
By giving those fears a voice, I allowed them to take root in my spirit. ‘Our marriage is ruined, what’s the use? Why should I even consider changing?’ Those thoughts were present in my mind. They had influence over me. Ruminating on the negative aspects of our situation and constantly beating my wife about the head with them had become a habit. This habit turned into an obsession, almost replacing my addiction. In fact, my greatest time of sobriety came during this new set of behaviors.

The proceeding paragraph was a self-realization that took hold as I typed it. I guess that’s why those initial statements stuck with me so much.

By allowing the thoughts of negativity to take over I lost the focus I had enjoyed the months before. Subsequently, my behaviors got out of control. Add a dash or two of mental illness (I call it insanity, My Bride hates it when I say that) and we have a wonderful recipe for marital disaster.

I guess that’s why they say hindsight is 20/20.

The time for gratefulness has arrived. The video states that focusing on the things you are grateful for is a great way to refocus onto the positives in your life. That establishes a new, healthy routine which is good for your overall well being. I am following the advice of the video above, I’m going to write 5 things I’m grateful for.

1. Forgiveness
2. God’s grace
3. Knowledge
4. People if integrity in my life
5. My loving Bride

What are you grateful for?

About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
This entry was posted in Healing, Marriage Issues, Progress, Recovery, Victory. Bookmark the permalink.

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