Next Step

For as long as I can remember I have cut myself down.

I’m not good enough
I’m not smart enough
I’m not interesting
I’m not funny
I’m not witty
I’m not talented
I’m a hack
I’m a fraud

On and on I would go. I know for a fact that my self-defeating thoughts and words are a huge turn-off to My Bride. She told me this months ago. Somewhere on this blog I’ve even written about it.

My Bride said my self-negativity was unattractive. I she meant it was literary keeping her from wanting to be with me, biblically. Now I understand. My self-destructive comments pushed her away from me emotionally.

“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love” @BreneBrown

That is a powerful statement. Thinking more deeply though, it’s redundant. The healthy person loves himself. However, thinking on this pragmatically, I put this in terms of My Bride. I would NEVER say any of those things on my list above about or to My Bride. That woman loves me. I know her fairly well after 25 years together. She wouldn’t be attached to the person that list describes. She wouldn’t want that guy in her life.

That brings a few things to mind.
1. I need to respect her opinion of me.
2. I need to honor her opinion of me.
3. Treating myself in that way has pretty much turned me into that guy.
4. Remember, she would to want to be with that guy.
5. Perhaps I should to turn from that path, I’m already out of the house, she does to need a reason to keep me out.

I’ve forgiving my parents for the past.
It’s time for me to listen to My Bride (this sounds like a broken record) and like myself. Step 1- forgiveness.

Father God, I pray you prepare my way, pick me up and carry me to self-forgiveness.

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
This entry was posted in Lesson, Progress, Recovery, Victory and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Next Step

  1. k. says:

    God bless you in your fight. U can’t possibly know how much you have in common with my husband, now in a facility. Teacher also. We have three kids. He just turned 40. This has been beyond crushing…I’m so glad I stumbled upon your blog. Gives me an intimate look into some of what he’s experiencing. Makes me so sad for him. Don’t ever give up on your bride. She loves you deeply and is rooting for you. God bless you.

    • MyJourney says:

      God bless you and your husband. I sympathize with your husband. If he’s in a facility, I believe he’s a good man. I’ve been hospitalized before, not for this, and it’s a truly horrible experience. To put himself in that position says a lot of his desire to change. Please continue standing by his side, I can’t imagine the pain you’re experiencing, I know it must terrible, but you can never know how much it means to him for you to be there for him.

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