My Bride has bristled at my intimate advances for years. Obviously, our current situation is not included in this analysis. Prior to my disclosure exactly 6 months ago, she routinely denied my advances. Not just sexually, but non-sexual advances as well.
Intimacy in our marriage died over the period of many years. The first reason, porn addiction, is the easiest to diagnose. You could say I’ve written about it a time or two on this here of. The other reason, as I see it anyway, is a bit more complicated.
When My Bride and I had dated, I put in tons of effort. I wooed her. There were gifts, surprises, constant attention and I would have done ANYTHING to make her happy. Then we got married, I won, she was mine. The game was over and I won my prize. Over time, the amount of effort I had put in waned. Eventually she was receiving, at BEST, minimal attention from me. She still desired those things. She wanted to be desired, chased and seduced and connected with just as much as she had before.
In short, I became complacent.
Was that the biggest issue?
Not by a long shot. The porn usage and coverups were are much greater issue. Complacency was a big deal too though. In fact, one could easily make the case that porn was just another form of complacency.
I will not take My Bride for granted again. Our relationship is far too valuable.