There is a belief that infidelity is emotional abuse. As a survivor of all forms of abuse, this breaks my heart because I agree with that belief. Abuse is something I swore would never come from me. My vow combined with knowing I had been constantly hounding, smothering and having emotional explosions, I’ve been emotionally abusing My Bride for a very long time. The past 5 months had been the final straw.
This is something I need time to deal with. Knowing I have propagated the sins of my parents is painful. To understand that I have done this to My Bride, the one person I love more than any other, is the most painful thing I can imagine.
No wonder she stopped being intimate with me. No wonder I’m writing this from somewhere besides my home. No wonder she doesn’t feel safe with me. No wonder she’s cautiously optimistic about the changes I’ve gone through. She has been emotionally abused for many, many years.
That is over. God has delivered me from several things over the past 10 days. I no longer harbor anger and unadulterated race toward my parents. I have been delivered from the severe pain from the abuse of my past. I have leapt into the arms of God and have been touched by His very presence.
I know have an even greater understanding of her pain. She is experiencing, right now, the exact pain I had for all these years.
I caused that pain.
She needs a lot of time to deal with this. Pain from abuse is something I understand. I pray she is able to forgive me of this.
Baby Doll, I repent of this and ask for your forgiveness. I love you so much and despise the pain you are in.
God will deliver you from this pain.