Sex and porn addiction is a living hell. That’s pretty obvious, especially for the partner of the addict. For My Bride it’s the worst thing to ever happen to her. In my case, the addiction and everything that goes along with it, has brought me to pains far worse than the abused I suffered in my childhood.
My bipolar and borderline personality issues have definitely been triggered, in major ways, by the emotional activities. That doesn’t even account for the addiction crap. There is a pronounced stress that comes along with cravings and withdrawals.
For the first time ever I had to contact my sponsor due to cravings easier this week. That was the night I was supposed to go shooting with my son. I wasn’t able to do it for very long because of the surroundings. That was a definite trigger. Then speaking to My Bride as I was leaving triggered me further when we went to hug and she broke down crying. I was a total wreck as I drove off.
I survived the night though. I got ahold of my sponsor and he helped me out. He was able to talk me down and tell me what to do. I’m so incredibly proud I was able to make it.
I attest that victory to God. It was God that spurred me to contacting my sponsor. It was God who filled me and kept me from the terrible PMO. It is through God alone that I am able to make it each day.
Father God, I praise you for what you are doing in me! I pray you do a work in My Bride as well. God, please deliver her from her pain.
