I’ve had an incredibly blessed day. I awoke early and got a lot of job hunting work done, efficiently too. I went to therapy and had some astonishing revelations.
Did you know that I need to see My Bride as an equal partner and listen to what she says? Did you know I need to treat her as a person and not as a proving ground for my worth? Did you know that if I stop trying to defeat My Bride in mental combat and listen, rest listen, to what she says, I have a really good chance of getting along with her? Did you know that I don’t have to prove to her how smart I am?
I didn’t until this morning.
Those are pretty tough to come to grips with. Of course I do all of those things. What idiot doesn’t!?
The idiot that’s at home, sitting next to his wife instead of his brother’s couch.
It’s been one week since I was kicked out of my home. There have been tremendously painful thoughts and mental anguish during that time. On the other hand, there has been dramatic growth that never could have happened had I not been pimp slapped with truth.
Pain is mandatory, misery is optional is how The Good Doctor puts it. The question I kept
ignoring revising to answer was, why would you choose misery over joy?
I think it’s pretty clear that I was addicted to my misery too. I was way too comfortable with how things had become. Why change? If nobody is complaining or uncomfortable, why would you even want to consider changing things?
It’s pretty interesting, to me at least, that My Bride was uncomfortable and crying out that I was hurting her mentally. She was figuratively shouting it from the rooftops. I wouldn’t listen. I wax too focused on proving how smart I was to her. Sure it was my parents that told me I was stupid and unworthy, so it makes perfect sense that I picked My Bride as the person I needed to prove my worth too. My Bride, the one person on earth that knows me better than anyone else. The woman who can tell you what I like to wear, what I like to eat, what I find funny, what I find stupid and if I have any intelligence or not. Yeah, I better show her…
I’ve learned I get my worth, not from My Bride, but from God, my friends, family, associates and myself. She doesn’t have to, or need to be, all things to me. She needs to simply be my best friend, my confidant, my lover and my wife. That’s it. Anything else comes from others.
I need a person to unload serious shite on? Pick someone else.
I need someone to talk shop with? Pick someone else.
I need someone to give me $5? Ok, she might be perfect for that.
The point is, I had been leaning on My Bride for everything. Of course I need to be able to unload stuff on or talk shop with. I just need other people as well. I should be able to run to her for comfort of I need it. I need other people as well.
I need the love My Bride gives. I need her warm touch. I need her sweet kisses. I need her loving intimacy. I need the comfort only a spouse can give. I need to give her the same things in return.
In short, I need to treat My Bride like My Bride.