“She became comfortable with you taking care of your thing and she became used to it. It allowed her to do her thing without having to worry about sex. She’s a busy lady; mom, teacher, grad school. Now, all of a sudden, you’ve upset the apple cart. You’re making all of these changes and suddenly asking her for things that haven’t been around for years. By trying to develop emotional intimacy, which is a good thing, you have pushed her away. She almost certainly doesn’t even realize it either. It just HAPPENED.”
THAT sounds pretty darn feasible to me. My Bride didn’t know about her feelings of wanting me to leave until she stated them in our final counseling session (our next marriage counseling will be with another therapist). It stands to reason that if My Bride was unaware of feelings that ENORMOUS, it’s possible she could be unaware of the new intimacy expectations.
“Hey! Yeah, um…I know we’ve been married since 1992, but I’m suddenly wanting drastically different things. That’s ok, right? What’s that? You thought it was all about sex? Oh, that was me for the past 20 years. I have totally NEW desires and expectations now.”
This all started happening, as best as I can recall, last July. I was BEGGING for emotional and non-sexual intimacy. She would not give it. In fact. she didn’t really know what I was asking for. I vividly remember, a few days after our anniversary in very early August. I was asking for intimacy, and I think that was how I put it too. She kept saying it always leads to me pressuring her for sex, and that was TRUE over the previous years of marriage. There was a fight, as always when discussing this subject, and she left the room, supremely pissed off at me. Awhile later, I came into our room and found My Bride sitting on our bed. I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her. She allowed it AND, as I recall (which may be totally wrong), she melted into my arms. I cried as I said, “This is all I wanted.” She had NO idea what I was after.
Did I want sex a lot? Your’e damn right I did. Looking back though, I can honestly say that over the past 4+ months of this year, I’ve only wanted sex (read horny) 2 or 3 times. I’ve been totally cool with the lack of sex. I was absolutely dickish about it in February and March. Why? I wasn’t getting my way. I had been asking and she said no, and yes, it is incredibly childish. I’m learning a LOT of things since we separated. For example- I had THOUGHT I was no longer selfish during ALL of 2014. “I fixed that in November and December. There’s no problem anymore.”
“Let God do the work He needs to do in you, the way YOU need Him to, during this month and allow Him to do the work He needs to do in Bride, the way she needs it and how she needs it” is what Pastor Danny said.
DO THAT, DUDE!