My instincts have been totally wrong from the very beginning.
Let her know you love her
Compliment her
Try and make us spend time together
Tell her how you feel
Everything.
EVERYTHING I have done has pushed My Bride away.
I wrote her an email asking for a shot to prove myself. To not throw 25 years of relationship because I’m being a selfish dick. “Now I know and can work on it”
My therapist said to sit on it for a week. Brother said don’t even think about it. Sister said it was a bad move.
Sister says…
“This is so mean & un characteristic of me, but you guys need to get your SHIT together for your kids. It breaks my heart for them.”
Is the email a bad idea?
“You need to take a break! No, your shit is still there. Leave her alone for awhile. You are smothering her.”
“I can’t stand to be smothered. Take a damn break. I’m sorry, but your boys need you guys to work things out.
When our parents separated, mom stalked dad. It’s irritating. Give her space.”
I’ve been sending her day affirmations, should I stop?
“Yes, you guys have major problems. Take a break. Leave her alone for awhile. Focus on being a good dad. Your boys need you guys to get it the eff together. I am not a curser, but you guys are hurting your sons.
Stop w the affirmations. That is smothering. That would send me they the roof.
I’m on your team. I love you & your family. Son3 is crying, Son2 is pissed. Focus on them. They need you.”
It’s crazy how every instinct I have, and have had lately, has been the exact opposite thing needed.
“Well, you are scared. Being scared makes us desperate. Desperate behavior irritates most people. It’s hard to not act desperate when you are petrified. Bride needs time to herself. You need to schedule breaks from your brooding.”
::HERE WAS A HUGE DEAL FOR ME::
“I need to find u a thought stopping book. Don’t buy into any online therapy junk tho. Anyways, watch a movie, or a tv show. Force yourself to take a time out.”
That was it.
I had been taking nearly all of my tips from only therapy junk.
“My heart breaks for your whole family, it truly does. Your boys are so precious & awesome. They need you both.”
My sister is very wise. I have these great resources in a brother and sister I JUST discovered. I had always been afraid to talk to them about real stuff. Not any longer.
I pray I have discovered their wisdom in time.
It is time to become a good man for my kids. should My Bride not desire a reconciliation, I still have to be a great dad to my boys.
THAT is my challenge moving forward. She very well never want to be with me again. That is a VERY real possibility now.
My children will always be my children. I owe it to them to dedicate myself to them. If she decides she wants reconciliation, OUTSTANDING!! I’m still a dad and I’d better get really good at it.
I no longer have a say in the outcome of my marriage. I DO have a day into kid’s lives.
Make the most of what you have.
Be happy for what you have.
Learn your lessons. Move on and become a better person for it.
