Tumbling Wall III

I went to see my parents. I told them the story and explained that if they had I’ll will toward My Bride if be incredibly pissed at them. They assured me they have no I’ll will for her. That they are hurting for us.

I told them about being molested and that it has had an enormously huge negative impact only life. What happened next shocked me. Specifically from my dad.

They came toe, laid hands on me and prayed over me. They prayed for my pain to ease, for My Bride’s pain to ease. They prayed for a positive outcome for us. They prayed that Hod’s love would cover is up and heal our marriage.

I was astonished.

I got in the car and drove to my temporary home, my brother’s apartment.

Lessons have already been learned.

I am PRAYING the changes I’m making, starting right damn now, will have My Bride take notice.

I’m praying our time apart allows her wounds to heal enough that we can reconcile and move forward together.

I’m praying that My Bride realizes that I have learned of my failures.

I made mountains out of the smallest things.

I allowed my temporary insanity to influence everything I said, thought and did.

I am taking these lessons, and a great many more, and applying to my life.

I’m hoping that these changes I’m making RIGHT now are enough that she sees I’m serious and she will feel safe enough with me that she will consider giving is more time to work through things.

I don’t want a divorce. We both love each other do very much. We said it to each other.

Where there is love, there is hope.

I’m NOT throwing away the work already done. I’m not giving up on our marriage. I want to do whatever necessary to save it.

If that means desperate another- fine
Put those changes on place- you bet!’

What really sucks?
I THINK I was doing thecright things from November through January. I must have. She forgave me during that time. It was January to today that things went to shit.

I just want another shot at being the man she needs and wants.

We have been married since 1992.
We started dating in 1989. We have a tremendous amount of history together. I know my actions did terrible harm to her. I know that our past 4 months hurt things even worse. But throwing away 25 years seems very drastic.

We need to take this slow.
I want a chance to prove I can make the changes needed.

Please, God. Don’t let it end this way. We’ve too much time together and been through so much together for it to all end like this.

As long as we’re still married, there is hope.
As long as we both love each other, there is hope.

I hope and pray we can conquer this pain and grow back together.

Date her again?
You bet, sounds fun.

I’m going to do this AND get it right this time. I just need a chance.

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
This entry was posted in Depression, emotion, Lesson, Marriage Issues and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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