I think we had a good day today was the last thing My Bride said to me as she went off to bed. I thought we did too.
I made it a point to not begin any heavy conversations. Interestingly enough, she brought one up. Well, I think I was having a relatively deep talk with her, but it wasn’t about our marriage, was about me.
Believe it or not, I read things too. It’s very common for people in my situation to not want comfort from others. I do want to be comforted, not to try and hurt you, but, because of our situation, I don’t want your comfort right now. I do want your comfort eventually, but you’re the one who hurt me and right now, when you try and comfort me, I get triggered.
I am so proud of her. I’ll bet that was incredibly difficult for her.
I told her that those comments weren’t hurtful or offensive at all. Her sentiment wasn’t very difficult to ascertain before she told me. I was aware that she had no desire for any comfort from me for months.
I asked about how me comforting her was a trigger. She said that comfort is generally physical and most physicality is a trigger.
THAT was new information.
“So when I touch you there’s a trigger?”
Not every time.
“Hugs and kisses?”
Not every time.
I will say this revelation/discovery is incredibly confusing. Ha! Every revelation or discovery between us is incredibly confusing.
It all comes boils down to the theme for the past few posts.
SHUT THE FUCK UP, LEAVE HER ALONE
WORK ON YOU, as you change she will change.
That’s the path to recovery. Buuuuut, those changes that are needed, they make that path pretty damned treacherous.