“Every single week I’m told about what a failure I am as a wife. Every week I read about my shortcomings on your blog.”
-My Bride, yesterday
That is something that changes right the hell now.
My Bride is NOT a failure at anything. ESPECIALLY as my wife.
Something that troubles me severely…that was not the first time she has said that. In fact, she has said that about every 10 days.
I FUCKING BLOW IT OFF OR IGNORE IT EVERY TIME
The failures in our marriage are not hers. She may have one or two, but my failures massively outnumber hers.
I can’t give what I don’t have is said A LOT.
Of course she has no love or warmth for me. I fucking squeeze it out if her and then I, virtually, grab her by the neck and yell at her for more as I punch her in the face and kick her in the stomach.
For heaven’s sake, you’re BOTH teachers. You know what learning looks like. You know what it looks like when a lesson is being taught.
LEARN THE FUCKING LESSONS SHE TEACHES YOU.
GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS
LISTEN TO HER
LISTEN TO BROTHER
LISTEN TO SISTER
LUSTEN TO THERAPIST
The thing I find shocking: they are all saying the exact same things.
• She is not your enemy
• She is your only ally
• You drove all others away
• You’re doing everything you can to drive her away too
• Stop smothering her
• Give her a break
• Be her friend
• Don’t try to fix her
• Stop trying to fix everything
• Take care of you
• She loves you
• Try and earn her trust
• Do not try and take her trust
• Ket her heal on her time
Seriously, EVERYONE says the same thing. From My Bride to blog commenters to my therapist, our therapist, my brother and sister. I think a guy at the bar brother and I were at said the same thing.
“Dude, stop trying to control everything. Way to go, Durant! Leave her alone and take care of your shit. Holy crap that was awesome, Westbrook! She might at least act like she lines you if you let her.”
Brother is in sales. He’s quite good at it too. He explained it this way:
Relationships are just like sales. You have to bring some kind of value to the deal, otherwise, why would they come to you. In a romantic relationship you have to bring friendship, humor and safety. Otherwise she doesn’t need you at all.
Jesus man, learn the lesson.