“Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.”
By that definition, My Bride does not love me. In fact, by that definition, My Bride has not loved me for many, many years.
I am faced with 2 options when given this information.
1. Continue on the current path. I’ve been on this path for the past 168 days. The path of woe is me, destruction is nigh.
2. Give up.
I choose to give up.
I’m giving up the path of destruction, pain and suffering.
As of today I understand what needs to be done. Let My Bride develop trust in me. Let her develop that trust so she can once again make herself vulnerable to that hurt.
Yesterday I tried to COAX into vulnerability.
Dude, it don’t work that way.
LEARN THE LESSON!!
Today I embrace and accept the challenge to earn her trust.
She does not want my love
She doesn’t want my embrace, kisses or touch.
She sure as hell does to want my comfort.
BECAUSE YOU FUCKING TRASH HER TRUST IN YOU EVERY FUCKING DAY
When I smother her with my shame and guilt she loses trust.
When I attack her like she’s the fucking enemy she loses trust.
When I lose all control if my emotion she loses trust in me.
When I simply refuse to listen to her she loses trust.
When she tells me what to do everyday only to be dismissed she loses trust.
When I fight her line she’s the problem she loses trust.
Dude, I don’t wanna be around that guy either. He’s a dick.
“Hey, Baby, I’m going to be mean, dismissive and disrespectful to you. WHY WON’T YOU SHOW ME LOVE!?!?”
Ummm, dude, WAKE UP!!!
She doesn’t want to be around you, have anything to do with you and she sure as hell ain’t gonna snugs up to you.
Dude, you suck.
You’re no fun, you’re sad and depressed, needy as hell and an asshole. You wouldn’t wanna hang with that either.
So today I give up on trying to make her love me. I accept the challenge of recovery and healing. I accept the challenge to keep emotion under control.
I embrace what must happen.
I do it or I lose her.
It’s pretty freaking simple.