Make sure you don’t try and use your blog as your actions.
THAT, gentle readers, is a brilliant statement.
We had been discussing my mental transformation. “If our kiss and I love you interaction would have happened last week, I would have driven to work in tears.”
“This morning, you gave me the fastest peck ever and took a noticeable time to say love you back to me. You didn’t look at me when you finally did say it. That is very unusual. I realized that it MUST be hard for you to kiss me or even profess live for me. You’ve been deeply hurt again. I have to earn that stuff back.”
She didn’t look at me. She was looking at our sink.
“Last week that would have killed me. Yesterday morning that would have killed me. But I had a transformational experience last night. I get it now.”
She started to look at me now.
“You are used to my lies. I say I’m going to do this but I don’t. I have to earn everything back. Your presence, your time, your good will, your friendship, your love and eventually your intimacy. You’re used to me not delivering. It’s time to get this working.”
“Make sure you don’t try and use your blog as your actions.”
It would be do very easy to just write shit down and that be it. That has been precisely what I’ve done sincere began our journey.
My mind (or is it actually God?) is telling me, ‘Get off your ass and do something. PROVE to her she’s your everything. Prove you love her do much you’ll do anything to be the Godly man she needs.’
I’m not much for internal motivation. And by not much I mean that part of me died 5 years ago with my initial nervous breakdown.
I’m reclaiming that motivation.
Porn is evil.
Porn is a lie.
Porn is destructive.
Porn is divisive.
Porn is a killer.
Porn is from the Devil.
To hell with the devil.
I try cannot stand this group. My Bride lives them and the song for the situation.
Pastor emailed me an encouragement this morning.
“Just been praying for you and wanted you to remember to keep the focus on what’s truth.”
Here’s the truth:
I have spent such a long time focusing on the negative in my life, I had forgotten to realize that I am incredibly blessed. My Bride might roll her eyes on that one, she’s been saying that to me for 6 months.
You can say things to me until we both pass out. If I don’t believe your version of the “truth,” I completely discount most of what you say.
It took God Himself to smack me vigorously about the head last night for me to understand what’s up.
Thank you, God, for showing up and saving me from the ditch I was headed for.