A Healing Marathon

“Your problems have been going on for over 20 years. You guys have been in therapy for 6 months. That’s like, 24 hours. That’s barely a day. I barely even know you two. This is not a sprint, it’s going to take a very long time.”
-Therapist

Yeah, so there’s that. Here’s another…
“He’s pressuring me like crazy to work on things. It’s like I set everything aside when he first disclosed. It was like I had to show him I wasn’t leaving and I loved him. It’s just now that everything is starting to hit me. I’m just now feeling the pain.”

It’s totally true. I’ve been pushing My Bride real hard to step up her therapy work. Come to find out, that’s a real dick move.

“I don’t want to be around him because he’s so very negative. He’s constantly beating himself up.”

That’s also true. I have a severely negative opinion of myself. That’s something I’m keenly aware I need to address in therapy.

Come to find out, surprise, our marriage issues all stem from my issues. My Bride’s negativity toward me is a symptom of my stuff.

And I know, that’s a very negative thing to say about myself.

Truth sucks.

“Her not wanting to touch you or be touched by you isn’t news to me. Before, touch led to sex. She has 20 years of that in her mind.”

Yeah, that makes sense too.
Damned truth.

We talked about how our marriage is in a really tough spot and it looks even worse to us because we’re in the trenches. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. This is going to take a very long time to heal and rebuild…

We talked about rebuilding trust and respect.
How do you do that? Therapist said baby steps.
What does that even mean? What are the steps?
“The 2 of you have to court each other. Do you even know what the other likes to do outside of work and family?”

I don’t know what she liked to do. She doesn’t know what I like either.

“That’s where you start. You have to become friends again. Learn all about each other again. Go out on dates. Enjoy being with each other.”

I like that.
I’m looking forward to getting to know her again.

I miss the times we used to have when we were young. We were inseparable. We laughed with each other, she laughed at me…a lot (I’m a bit of a clown). When I was way overdoing my clowning around, she would always tell me what a dork I was.
I loved it.

We held hands constantly.
We talked all the time. We talked about serious things and incredibly absurd things. Sometimes we just held each other in silence.

We were incredibly affectionate. Hugging, caressing, kissing, rubbing and gazing at each other. It makes my heart skip a beat to think about it.

We were awesome as a couple. We looked like the perfect couple. In fact, here’s a picture of us right after our honeymoon.

20140408-190616.jpg

Here we are now.

20140408-190659.jpg
I kinda let myself go. It’s not pretty.

We are going to be happy again. The road ahead looks to be really long and really painful. I can’t think of a better companion than My Bride.

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
This entry was posted in emotion, Marriage Issues, Progress, Recovery, Sex, Sex Addiction and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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