Does She Not See!?

Am I really getting work done?
I don’t think so

Am I being patient for My Bride?
There’s no doubt on this. Hell no.

12 step programs tell you to work the steps. I don’t even know what that means.

I’m supposed to be having some kind of spiritual awakening according to the 12 steppers.

I haven’t been studying my Bible. I haven’t spent any real time in prayer. What sucks is I don’t even have the desire too.

Today I spent an inordinate amount of time researching what is wrong with My Bride. She has PTSD triggered by sexual contact. If we have contact, she apparently sees me on my knees. “That’s just dumb. She should freaking get over that,” had run through my head before.

2 weeks ago I was researching treatments to alleviate her “problem.”
EMDR seemed to be the best thing. I MENTIONED IT IN MARRIAGE COUNSELING. Therapist blew it off and drilled into me. I was offended.

Today I discovered My Bride is clearly has “Intimacy Anorexia.”

Everything is her fault you see.

Tonight was my Celebrate Recovery large group. We hear a testimony each week. This guy told it like it is:
“Why won’t my wife change? Can’t she see that if she would just get over my drinking, we will recover. Doesn’t she see how much I love her? God, I pray you’ll help her see the truth.” And then it hit me.

None of this is her fault.
I’M THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE

I knew that, but I didn’t act it. I sure as hell didn’t think it or talk it.

Maybe she IS an Intimacy Anorexic.
She sure as hell didn’t cause it.

Addiction
Denial
Deflection

Shitty things that need to be killed.

Advertisements

About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
This entry was posted in emotion, Marriage Issues, Progress, Recovery, Sex, Sex Addiction and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Does She Not See!?

  1. Pingback: Does She Not See!? | ▇ ▅ █ ▅ ▇ ▂ ▃ ▁ ▁ ▅ ▃ ▅ ▅ ▄ ▅ ▇

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s