Am I really getting work done?
I don’t think so
Am I being patient for My Bride?
There’s no doubt on this. Hell no.
12 step programs tell you to work the steps. I don’t even know what that means.
I’m supposed to be having some kind of spiritual awakening according to the 12 steppers.
I haven’t been studying my Bible. I haven’t spent any real time in prayer. What sucks is I don’t even have the desire too.
Today I spent an inordinate amount of time researching what is wrong with My Bride. She has PTSD triggered by sexual contact. If we have contact, she apparently sees me on my knees. “That’s just dumb. She should freaking get over that,” had run through my head before.
2 weeks ago I was researching treatments to alleviate her “problem.”
EMDR seemed to be the best thing. I MENTIONED IT IN MARRIAGE COUNSELING. Therapist blew it off and drilled into me. I was offended.
Today I discovered My Bride is clearly has “Intimacy Anorexia.”
Everything is her fault you see.
Tonight was my Celebrate Recovery large group. We hear a testimony each week. This guy told it like it is:
“Why won’t my wife change? Can’t she see that if she would just get over my drinking, we will recover. Doesn’t she see how much I love her? God, I pray you’ll help her see the truth.” And then it hit me.
None of this is her fault.
I’M THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE
I knew that, but I didn’t act it. I sure as hell didn’t think it or talk it.
Maybe she IS an Intimacy Anorexic.
She sure as hell didn’t cause it.
Shitty things that need to be killed.