Despair is a pretty frequent companion of mine. Joy is more of a distant acquaintance. Most frequently I find myself in a state of limbo; not happy and not sad but easily knocked either direction. When I find myself knocked to the negative side, the side I’m most used to, thoughts and emotions flow from my mind easily. Not so when joy appears.
I discover new information each day.
• My Bride’s needs surpass my needs.
• Marriage is serving your spouse.
• I’m not always correct.
• Listen to your spouse.
• Intimacy is more than touch.
• You can’t give what you don’t have.
• People heal in different ways.
• People deal with trauma differently.
• It’s ok to not argue your point.
• Be right or be happy.
My last post was full of raw emotion. It’s filled with certain fears and concerns of mine. I also went back to the “when do my needs get addressed” well.
What about My Needs?
Do my needs get addressed anytime soon? I ask it time and again. The short and easy answer:
My needs will not be addressed anytime in the foreseeable future. It sucks. It hurts. It hurts real bad. It’s the way it has to be.
The more I think on that fact, the more I can accept it. I caused tremendous pain and damage. I killed My Bride’s desire for sex. It appears I have also killed her desire for any physical contact.
My needs being cast aside is my penance. I hurt her severely. I must hurt in some way that might possibly approach her type of pain. Her physical desire was killed, mine gets killed right back. That’s truly the fair thing to happen. Seeing that I can now accept my fate.
I care about that woman. I am slowly, but very surely, recognizing a huge deal. I give a damn about MyBride. I give a damn about our marriage. Though wildly different circumstances, I think this Batman quote puts things in good perspective.
I give a damn because a good man once made me responsible for what was most precious to him in the whole wide world.
My definition of precious needs to become closer to what other’s definition is. I’m not the center anymore.