When does a discussion become an argument?
THAT is a major thing around these parts. My Bride and I disagree on all sorts of things. Typically it works out fine. When it comes to relationship stuff, our discussion become arguments. Sometimes escalating to a fight.
We had our therapy session this evening. In response to a question, I mentioned something My Bride said over the weekend. “I didn’t say that.” ‘Yes you did.” “I didn’t say that.”
At that point I let it go. It came up during the ride home.
Blah, blah, blah…’You said it.”
“No I didn’t.”
“Do you think that, in the heat if the moment, you could have said something and not remember it now?”
“No, I know what I said.”
“Can you at least acknowledge there is a remote, super-slight possibility that you’re wrong.”
The argument began in there somewhere.
She didn’t want to answer.
“In this situation, it is not possible for me to be wrong.”
Personally I feel
a bit dismissed. As on, ‘Nothing you can say in this situation can ever be correct.’
This was a very painful argument.
She called me a dick, I called her an ass.
She feels I was dismissive of her and that I belittled her (omitting that due to wanting to wrap up).
I feel the same plus she controls our conversations. When she wants to kill the discussion she just stops talking. We instituted a time-out policy a few weeks ago, but that requires us to resume the discussion. It appears to me that, “I need a time out” means the discussion is over, we shall speak of this no more.
We went to bed mad, having a very brief and not very happy talk about tomorrow and a few moments on our earlier stuff. That was followed with a ‘we’re done here’ pronouncement. This one was a roll over and cease speaking.
She wants to avoid conflict if at all possible. I want to engage and talk it out, even if it means we get pissy. There’s a problem, let’s fix it. Right now.
There are a number of topics we disagree on very passionately. We generally ignore them to avoid conflict. They must still be addressed.
I am acutely aware that I press aggressively in conversations/disagreements. She hates that. She becomes aggressive only when incredibly pissed off. I thrive in the aggressive environment, she despises that type of discussion.
She wants to break conversations off. I want a resolution. Very different people we are. Sometimes it’s outrageously painful.