I am a bitch.
Not only a bitch, but a whiny bitch.
My Bride tells me that general anesthesia really screws you up. In my case I’ve been a crying sack of over emotion for the last 4 days. I have been on serious over-alert on many things.
So I’m hoping this is my overinflated emotion fueled by that damn anesthesia talking.
I feel like a huge chunk of my soul has been ripped out. My Bride and I decided to a 30 day ban on sex not 24 hours ago. Yet I feel like I have said goodbye to an old friend and we shall never again meet.
My Bride feels a serious sense of security when sex is gone. There are no misunderstandings about what a touch or caress means. It’s strictly to show love and nothing more. She tells me she can get much closer to me during these times.
My Bride does not want sex. She is quite literally asexual right now. She has stated that she has no problem whatsoever if we never have sex again.
Here’s my worry:
If she is comfortable with never having sex again, what’s to say she accepts things as they are and never works to change the situation? What if she just says, ‘He was shitty to me for years, it’s my turn for comfort. I’m going to spend the rest of my life not having sex.’ What then?
When I think that type of thing I’m clearly being selfish. It could easily be said that she has every right to swear off sex. That it’s my fault she’s in this position and it’s just too damn bad for me. I realize I need to put her needs above mine. I want to serve her. I want her to be at total and complete comfort in our marriage. I’d kinda like to be comfortable too.
Does that make me a dick?
I know I’m being over-sensitive. I guess. I’m pretty sure I’m overreacting by epic proportions.
She deserves whatever she wants. I’ll give her whatever she wants. Killing sex off would be deserved. But I also know that sexual health affects mental health, so that’s a concern.