What an odd day.
I’ve been home all day, recovering from my surgery. Recovering as I think about sex. I have been pressuring My Bride for sex for about a week now. She has been very consistent in turning me down. Since she was gone. My biggest fear was losing my sobriety.
I made it.
When My Bride came in we hugged and kissed. I told her of my struggle and that I was successful. “I’m so proud of you” jumped out of her. Being the super-emotional guy I am, I cried.
My previous post spoke about my struggle. It spoke to my frustrations in my marriage and specifically sex. There was a comment that struck me hard. “You asking her for sex is like ripping out infected stitches.” She spoke about the pain that My Bride is being subjected to. She left a link to a document I had skimmed months ago. Today I read it.
I read the comment to any Bride. You could tell it hit her. She went to take a nap. As she lay there she read the linked document. When she got up she asked if I read the document. THAT lead to a discussion.
“I read it. What did you think?”
“I identified with a lot and there was some that didn’t apply.”
Here’s the breakdown:
• I want sex
• She can’t bring herself to do it
• Discussing sex hurts her
• Sex is a huge trigger for her
• She feels bad for not giving me sex
• I feel bad that she feels bad
We decided sex is off the table for the next 30 days. No talking about it and no expectation.
I told her that whenever the 30 days is over, she has to initiate sexual contact. I do not want to pressure her. I said that the last time we took sex away. As I recall, it pissed her off. She agreed to it today. I think she truly believes me when I say I don’t want to pressure her.
It was time for dinner. She had to drive since I’m on pain meds. I had one sex question that needed to be addressed. She told me earlier that, “If you need to jerk-off to my pictures, I’m totally fine with that.” my question being: Will it bother you if you know it’s going down?
She had a hmmph reaction. That answered my question.
“I guess you’re not ok with that.”
“No, I am.”
“That reaction said something else.”
“I want us to have a healthy sex life. I’m sad that I can’t be a part of it right now.”
“I’ll go without. I’m not gonna die.”
“I just don’t want to know about it.”
“About this sex thing…”
Her head turned to me
“I’m totally at peace with this.”
“I am too.”
“Well, sure you are. I’m actually at peace with this. As in, this is ok. I’m going to be fine. This is going to be great for us.”
I meant it too.
I actually felt a weight lift from me.
We had a beautiful talk today. We discussed a major issue in our marriage in peace. There were no hurt feelings and nobody got upset. I voiced my opinion and she hers. We then came to an agreement. Kind of like we were adults.