Bring It On

Sobriety Day 66

Therapy’s Back
I had my first session with The Good Doctor in over 3 weeks today. It was nice. Not terribly productive, but nice. It’s good to have a rah-rah session every now and again.

“How are you doing?”
“Pretty good, things have been going incredibly well.”
“Tell me about it.”

So I went on a bit rehashing the past 3 weeks. My Bride has been making overt efforts to show intimacy. She touches me a lot more, says nice things more and randomly tells me she loves me. She has initiated the last 2 diddle sessions (more in a minute). It’s been a very nice change.

Ugh
My Bride has been suffering DAILY migraines for at least a month. I’ve been aware of the condition for around 3 weeks. She, in her pained state, instigated diddling me the last 2 Sundays. This past Sunday was different.

Gooood Mornin’
We popped awake at the same time. There was the normal morning pee breaks and back to bed. We had a very brief conversation and it began. She reached over and started the diddle. “Uh, how’s your head?”
“It hurts.”
“Then why are you doing this?”
“Because I love you.”
“You sure about this?”
:::yank, yank:::

This is not meant to be a brag. I take a long-ass time to finish the job. The crazy meds I take have that effect on me. When it comes to making sweet love, this is a good thing. When it comes to her whacking me off, that’s another story.

Our previous session saw me go at least 45 minutes. If I would have tried to extend things, thinking of baseball, nuns and dead cats, I could have easily gone over an hour. When you come to play with me, pack a lunch, it’s gonna be a long day.

So we’re a ways into things. She has me on the edge. I’m going nuts (see what I did there?). Annnnd she stops to shake out her hand.
“Dude, I was almost there.”
“Oh, no!”
:::back to work:::

I say all of that (a lot could have been left out but I was on a roll and you guys don’t know who we are…so whatever) to say this: My Bride is doing everything she can to meet my needs.

Her efforts are very heartwarming. She puts her comfort aside to help ME. She’s hurting pretty bad.
:::yank, yank, yank:::

Right now, just knowing she’s thinking of me like this is enough.

You what?
A couple of days ago I played a video for My Bride. It’s called, “How the media failed women in 2013” and it kicked me in the head.

“Why did you show me that?”
“Because society sees women as objects. No matter what a woman does, she’s an object. I used to do it and it’s wrong. That’s all.”
“You’re a different man.”

I told that story to The Good Doctor. He told me I was right and my viewpoint change is a sure sign of growth.

Here’s where I blew The Good Doctor, and myself, away.

“She’s sacrificing her comfort for my needs.”
“How’s that?”
“She’s suffering migraines and pleasuring me. She tells me it’s because she lives me”
“How does it make you feel?”
“I’m obviously very happy with the sexual contact, but that’s secondary. Knowing she’s making such an overt effort is very touching. In fact..”

I think it was November when I discovered her eyes. For some reason I opened my eyes as we kissed. She was looking at me. I looked back and was lost in her eyes. It sounds corny. Some of you may roll your eyes. I’m not going to change the truth to make you happy.

Any time we we’re together I longed to look into her eyes. To see her smile as she looked into mine. I told her about this. There was a time that she was unable to look me in the eye. It was too painful. She would start to look and she’d glance away very quickly.

“Since she’s had the headache problem, I could easily go without sexual contact. If I can just gaze into her eyes. It’s like we connect spiritually. I think that’s truly all I need. Sex is really nice, but the connection is where it’s at.”
“You are beginning to experience true intimacy. The 2 of you have moved to another level.”

This was a very cool thing to hear. I have no idea if My Bride has the same thoughts or if she has any kind of experience like mine. I truly hope she is/has. It’s immensely special to me and I would really like her to share the experience.

Wrap It Up
I was very excited about what I had been saying and hearing.
“I just can’t get over how sweet it is.”
“You’re beginning to experience the fruits of your labor. And yes, it’s very sweet when you get to taste that.

“You know, I don’t think in having the same type of journey as other guys. At least from what I hear in my groups I’m not. I’ll speak about how wonderful things are. Some of these guts look like I’m in fantasyland and I’m bullshitting them.”
“This is not typical at all. There are a few, and I mean very few, that experience a connection with their wife. Certainly not this quickly. This type of thing, if it happens, usually happens years down the road. The 2 of you have something very special. You are going to be able to go through anything together.”

My Goal
I would like to help others. We are nowhere near that point, right now. We will be getting there. I know there’s a need. There are other couples just like us. Experiencing pain, mistrust and trauma. They need someone to talk to. Hopefully, God willing, we can be that someone.

I experience porn temptations in a major way sometimes. I don’t think myself, under any circumstance, ready to try and help someone. I just don’t have the time and successes under my belt yet. But if things progress as they have been, my journey may not be such a horribly long process as first thought.

Bring it on, life. Challenge accepted.

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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5 Responses to Bring It On

  1. chinaskie says:

    Lol – did you really call her “Dude” while she was handling you?

  2. chipgruver says:

    It is so good to see you grow. It really warms my heart. You have changed so much over the last few months. What is really special is how you have changed from trying to figure out how to get as much as you can from women and started feeling protective of them. As you grow, you should start to ask how you can serve women and specifically your wife.

    Once of the best kept secrets out there is that it really is better to love than to be loved. It is so wonderful to initiate serving her and watch that joy take a slow journey through her and return to you with interest. It is a real delight.

    I haven’ written you as much as I would like to. I’m sure i could come up with good excuses, but know that I continue to read and am so glad to watch your journey.

    -Chip

    • MyJourney says:

      Thanks, Chip. It’s good to hear from you.

      As The Good Doctor said “enjoying the fruits of your labor is very sweet.”

      I couldn’t agree more and I want more.

      It’s crazy that I’m starting to see these things. Better to love than be loved. Yep. Better to give than receive. Yep. Women are not objects for MY satisfaction. Yep. Women and men are equal Partners. Yep.

      ALL brand new to me and I’m loving it.

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