“I haven’t been to counseling for several weeks. I haven’t missed it, I’m getting by just fine without it. I think it’s time to move on.”
It probably sounds stupid, but I’m incredibly proud of her. She had to make the choice to begin individual therapy. She had to choose to continue therapy. She certainly did not like it, but she knew it was necessary if we were to rebuild.
On Tuesday we had discussed the situation before she went to her therapy appointment. My statement was if it was time, the therapist would likely say it was time to phase out. Blah, blah, blah…this is good for you…blah, blah, blah. “Well, I’ll talk to her about it.”
She went to her appointment. 30 minutes later she called. “Hey, why are you calling me? You’re supposed to be in therapy.” “I fired her.”
I knew that wasn’t true.
“We talked about it and we start marriage counseling with her next week.”
3 weeks ago saw an eruption between us when I tried to make this happen. Tuesday, she makes the decision herself, which was supported by the therapist. There’s a lesson about patience and allowing a person to take their own journey somewhere in there. Maybe I should check that out.
My Bride said something about hoping I was ok with the new situation.
Seriously? I’ve been trying to make this happen for months. Am I ok with this? Helllll yeah I’m ok with it!
Virtually everything we have gone through is designed to tear us apart. It didn’t happen. We are fighting. Sometimes each other, mostly we fight the enemy.
There have been some changes and realizations.
• I have become aware of selfishness.
• I’ve learned sex isn’t about me.
• Sex is not the only form of intimacy.
• Porn kills my image of My Bride.
• Lust kills my relationships.
• My Bride is not an objects.
• My Bride doesn’t want it all over her.
• My Bride supports me.
• My Bride doesn’t have a personal agenda.
• My Bride needs love and support.
• My job is to protect My Bride.
• My job is to serve My Bride.
• I’m TRYING to serve My Bride.
• I’m TRYING to be responsible.
• I’m TRYING to think of others first.
By no means am I successful at my attempts on any kind of regular basis. I easily admit I fall far short of the mark virtually all of the time. At least I’m noticing what’s going on and attempting to address the problems.
Intimacy has changed in a major way. I’m very happy to just hug or snuggle. Of course, I’m also very happy to make sweet love. However, making sweet love isn’t just about my sweet O. I’ve always enjoyed her O process. Now, after being close and intimate with My Bride, her O is my focus. I really suck at that part, having been selfish all these years, but I’m trying to improve. It’s just like trying to get to Carnegie Hall.
I’m truly looking forward to our next chapter. Looking back, the previous chapters have gone by very quickly. This book is pretty darned good. Ups, downs with twists and turns. I have NO idea where things are going. I cannot wait to see what happens next.