Different Selves

This is the first of a series of posts from the different parts of me. The Good Doctor and I have begun a therapy method in which we find the many different personalities that are within me. We all have the courageous, the fighter, the scared, the happy etc.. Each one of these “selves” are who we are. In someone who is damaged, such as me, these selves protect the overall self. That guy is too hurt to take charge. At some point he was so hurt that he was unable to or ran away from his duty to direct and guide each one of the parts. Someone had to run things, so the different parts take turns. Each one of these identities make themselves known from time to time. They are like little kids. If you don’t acknowledge them, they act out.  Since these little kids are running things, they don’t do a good job, they are a part of the whole. This therapy is to acknowledge them, get to know each of individual, let them know they are welcomed and loved and let them know they don’t need to be in charge anymore, that’s my job.

As we go through this therapy, The Good Doctor tells me I have to get to know these different selves. Since I don’t know how, I asked The Good Doctor how to accomplish this task. Being the therapist he is, he threw it back at me. I pondered for a bit. I write my blog as therapy. Getting my thoughts and emotions out of me in order to better process them. I will write as the self that shows up and see where it goes.

INDECISIVE GUY is around quite a bit. HE likes to think through EVERY situation and as many different permutations he can come up with. Many times he will come around at highly inopportune times. For example, I was discussing something with My Bride. “I am now able to believe EVERYTHING you have ever told me” had just come out of my mouth. She smiled and squeezed my hand. “Unless you did XYZ.” THAT addendum brought a very audible “Jeez!” from her. The big problem that came from that was I allowed that thought in and went with it. That brought around…

Spanish Inquisition Guy pries VERY deeply into every situation. What did you say? Where did you go? What did you think? What was your thought process? Are but a few questions that he will assault you with. He will detect the smallest inconstancy and attack them with ferocity. He will listen to your syntax and voice inflections and make determinations of guilt or innocence from them and prosecute accordingly. Should he not be satisfied with your answers, he will inundate you with more questions, many are variations on each other. Poke, poke, prod…ATTACK! Whenever he gets ahold of inconsistencies he brings his friend along…

Never Wrong Guy can only be described as a prick. He will hit you over the head with his reasoning and argue against you for hours. He will find ANY way to win. If that means switching sides, that is perfectly fine. He will even try to make it seem like that was his viewpoint all along. Most of the time he will bring another friend along…

Smartest Guy In The Room needs to feel superior. He has education and is proud of it. He thinks very rapidly and will challenge you immensely. A lot of the time he will even make you question your own intelligence. Anything he can say or imply is designed to make you understand your intelligence is no match. He’s a bit of a prick as well.

Scared Little Boy is around after arguments or anytime the overall self feels threatened, challenged or out of control. He freaks out in major way. Most of the time he will simply run away and hide. Other times he will lash out with irrational statements or questions. EVERYTHING that is said is an attack against him. His very existence is threatened.

Angry Guy is the guy that shows up the most. He remembers all of the emotional hurts, the physical pains, the molestations, the personal attacks, the family attacks, being bullied at school. He remembers everything. He never wants to feel those things again and will do or say anything to keep from it. He brings with him rage, hate and, though it has never manifested, the threat of violence.

Those are but a few of the guys I have within the overall self. Later, Angry Guy will have a chance to talk.

About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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1 Response to Different Selves

  1. I’ve done some work with parts, as well, and have some of the same as you: Never Wrong Guy & Smartest Guy sound painfully familiar to me. I’ve had to let myself off the hook quite a few times – keeping those parts going can be exhausting! But more than that, I had to learn to let my guy off the hook so we could live peacefully. Good luck on this journey, it’s hard work but so worth it.

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