Bipolar Recovery

There is a thin line between observing a beautiful woman to appreciate God’s work and allowing the mind to float into inappropriate waters.

I am an avid user of Twitter. As the years have passed, so have my interests. Politics to sports to religion to chicks to religion to addiction recovery. As I poke around the mystical world that is Twitter profiles, I always check 4 things:
1. How many tweets they’ve made. Over 15k and I’ll probably pass on by. I hate people flooding my timeline.
2. Who they follow. Are they interesting as well or are they dullards?
3. Who follows them. Same thing, I’m looking into the interest level for my mind.
4. What lists they subscribe to. Are they related to the person’s normal subject matter? Are they interesting to me? Is their lists controversial?

I found myself my 329th “Fight Porn Addiction” profile of the night. I went through my normal process. As I checked the lists, around 40 of them, I noticed they got darker and more…inappropriate as I traveled further down the guy’s stuff. Finally, I end up at “Naughty…You Know What It Is” The great “we’ll fight porn together” guy had a list of Hard hardcore porn stuff.

There was a time that I too followed a few questionable profiles. Even now there are 1 or 2 interesting characters I follow that will post pictures of very beautiful women. Sometimes in skimpy very little clothing. The pictures show up directly on my screen, no clicks required. Early, early, early in my recovery I had to unfollow accounts such as these. The temptation was far to great. Nowadays I don’t have any issue with it. But then I do…it’s funny, I’m truly a bi-polar guy, so is my recovery.

My point is, I have cast as much shite out of my life as possible. So witness it tries real hard to creep back in. It hasn’t taken my soul back though. I feel horrible for this guy with the list. Just like I feel horrible for myself when I go from admiring to creep. Moving from the good side of town to the ghetto where the shady stuff lives. That’s the bad part of my brain. Note to self: stay on your side of town. I’m Hoping the list guy didn’t “forget” to kill it his list.

I just realized this probably sounds like I’m patting myself on the back. Maybe I am (read: probably). Perhaps I’m attempting to make myself look good at the expense of another guy. I dunno. I do know that I have 36 days of sobriety.

Here’s to me.

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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