When Do I Get To Feel Wanted And Loved

I’m what is known as bi-lingual. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. Those languages are not spoken at my home.

Today is a landmark day for me. 1 month of sobriety. Nothing has really been said about it.

Here is what I was expecting today: a hug, a big fat kiss and a few words about how awesome I was.

Here’s reality, “Hey, I’m one month sober today.”
“Great job.”
That was it.

If my languages are to be spoken, I must initiate. I want to be touched- I have to sit next to her at her spot on the couch and snuggle her. I have to spoon her in bed. I supply the touches with precious little touch flowing my direction.

I want a hug or a kiss- I have to track her down, sometimes slink up to her and initiate it. Always.

The 5 Love Languages book speaks about your love tank. Are you keeping each other’s tanks full. Mine is fucking empty, dried out and rusting away.

Will I ever receive a physical touch that I don’t initiate? From where I stand, today, no fucking way.

I do everything I can to heap praise and compliments upon My Bride.

When do I get to feel wanted and loved?

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About MyJourney

I'm a 41 year old married father of 3. I am a sex addict. This blog is to document my progress, recovery and marital growth. Pornography is an evil creation. Let my experiences serve as a warning to all.
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One Response to When Do I Get To Feel Wanted And Loved

  1. chipgruver says:

    That is difficult. I will supply the answer to your problem in 40 years when I have sufficient wisdom.

    But I can say that one month is a huge deal. It shows a great deal of growth in you. You would never have been able to give porn up for more than a day or two. Here you are a whole month out. I have some cigars here at the house, if you swing by, I’ll light one up with you outside (it’s -19 here with a breeze).

    All joking aside, I’m proud of you. You have faced this demon with courage and determination. But for the grace of God, this would not have been possible. Hang in there. There are some fruits of this effort coming. Now that you have learned some self-control, maybe God is teaching you some patience. Imagine how good it will be to have both.

    -Chip

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