Sobriety Day 18
It has been a very positive last 14 days. My Bride and I have entered a season of closeness I could have only dreamed of. My sobriety is going very well. I feel strong and have been escaping temptation fairly well. Us I’m trying, real hard, to let God into my life. Spirituality has never really been a big part of my life so this is a challenge for me.
Last night I went to a SA meeting. I left after 10 or 15 minutes. I cannot stand the group. The meeting is held at a Catholic church that takes me about 30 minutes to get to. The priest of the church is part of the group and just happens to be the guy I can’t stand the most.
My first night at that meeting was up and down. I had enjoyed the meeting. I was looking for, at least, a temporary sponsor. After the meeting I strolled up to the guy who had been in charge. I told him that I needed a sponsor and asked how to go about it. His exact words were, “Do you want me to be your sponsor or would you like Jack over there?” Jack, the priest said “This was your idea, you can have him.” This was a time that I was in a pretty deep depression. I was a VERY needy guy. I had said that it didn’t really affect me but it did.
::Cut to last night::
I’m chilling out at the meeting table when Priest Guy comes in. He sees a new guy, introduces himself, walks over to me and asks if I’ve ever been to this meeting before. “Yes, this is my normal meeting.” I didn’t go last week. I had to take care of a few things and stayed home. Priest Guy looks at me, raises his eyebrows and commences to say things about seeing me maybe once and that he doesn’t remember me after that.
Really? I’ve been coming to this meeting since November. I’ve missed twice.
Most of the guys in that meeting creep me out. I’ve got better things to do with my Sunday evenings.
I have been to a church group that falls under Celebrate Recovery a couple of times. Last Thursday was my first time to go to an actual meeting. And wouldn’t you know, it’s a SA meeting with a modified format.
I loved it.
As I left last Thursday I had a pretty good idea that it would be my new home meeting. Sunday confirmed it. The church guys act like they actually believe what’s being discussed. The regular SA guys are less than genuine in my opinion.
My church has a group as well. It’s not anything like SA, it’s more like a bible study with light support concepts. I like that better than the normal SA group too. The guys don’t creep me out.
I don’t remember if I mentioned the creepiest thing I had encountered or not. Here goes…SA meetings are run just like AA. You introduce yourself and identify yourself as a sex-addict. The rest if the group greats you. “I’m Joe Blow and I’m a sex-addict. “Ho Joe.” After you read out of the literature for half of the meeting, the group goes around the table and ‘Gets Current’ which means you say what has been going on.
There’s a guy that goes to every meeting I’ve ever been to. He’s really creepy. When it gets to his turn, the creep factor multiplied exponentially. He starts talking about his disclosure to his mother. “I told her about my desires, my thoughts about kids and my masturbation problem.” When he was done, I was the only person to thank him for sharing. I had to do it because my skin was crawling and if I didn’t say something I was going to freak out.
Creepy Guy is the worst of the bunch but there are other weird guys too. There’s a dude that tries to sound like Jerry Seinfeld when he shares. “What’s the deal with whacking off?”
Then there’s my ‘sponsor.’ He acts like he’s the happiest creature on earth. It seems A BIT forced. That, in and of itself, is a bit creepy to me as well. Then there’s the 77 year old guy that was busted for masturbating in public last summer. He used to be a priest and sounds like it. So when he shares you get a feeling that you’re in church hearing a sermon over his sex-addiction. That’s a little creepy to me as well.
I totally realize that those are all issues in my mind. The guys might very well be good dudes. They might also be serious creeps. Saying all of those things is me judging. I’m not supposed to do that. I guess I’m removing that temptation by not going to that meeting again.