Sobriety Day 3
Abstinence Day 20
I’ve had 3 days of anti-addiction excellence! And, going right along with that, 3 days of successful marriage building!!
My Bride and I had a pedicure today. Before you assault my masculinity, let me explain. They soak your feet in a mini-hot tub, trim your toenails (that was odd), rub some kind of rough lotion on your feet and legs, wrap a hot towel on your fee, give you a foot and leg massage, rub your feet and legs down with a hot stone (my favorite) all while sitting in the greatest massage chair known to mankind.
Does that make me a sissy? I don’t care. It was awesome!
I did not get my toenails painted if that helps my cause any.
The last two days have been unreal. We have shared affection and intimacy. I am fully aware that she has to make herself do it. I don’t care. She is doing it. The fact she wants to even make an attempt is special to me. Accordingly, I have made efforts to not be a dick. I think it’s been working.
Her text from yesterday is a really big deal to me:
I think it shows that we are trying. It shows, and it makes a difference.
It DOES make a difference. We cannot expect our marriage to bear fruit if we aren’t willing to weed the garden it’s planted in. Nothing worth having is easy. You have to work hard to get what you want.
There are probably hundreds of other clichés I could use, but that’s plenty.
The whole point is we are trying. I say that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to bud our marriage again. I’m just now figuring out what a part of “whatever it takes” is.
I’m also figuring out what “whatever it takes” isn’t.
• Devious tricks
• Pressing hard for results
• Saying shitty things
• Trying to make things happen
• Forcing conversations
There’s probably one or two people that will read that list and say, “No shit, dumb-ass” but we all need to remember something. I never learned actual relationship skills. To quote Aladdin, it’s A Whole New World. I guess I could be more adult and quote Aldous Huxley, it’s a Brave New World.
I’m learning new things all the time.
• It’s ok to show emotion
• I’m not weak for crying
• Pain is mandatory
• Misery is a choice
• I can’t fix the past
• Grace is mandatory
• Respect is mandatory
• It’s ok to not have answers
The last thing is something I’m beginning to suspect. Forgiveness is earned. Not necessarily through good deeds, though that probably doesn’t hurt, but through earning the elusive trust and respect. And those are, of course, earned over vast amounts of time.
Being an impatient guy, that sucks. Among many of the things God is trying to teach me, I think patience is near the top of the list. Being a selfish guy, it might have to be beaten into my skull.