Resetting of the sobriety counter
I slipped yesterday. I do not call it a relapse though; it’s not a long term resumption. It’s a one off slip. I wasn’t going to admit it. I was going to keep it to myself. But THAT, ladies and gentlemen, would be lying. I’m making every effort to rid myself of that sin.
I’m upset and disappointed with myself, I’ll not lie about that either. BUT I’m not angry. I put together 17 days of did sobriety. That was an all-time record for me.
I GET to try again!
Here’s the way I see things now: I’m an addict. Addicts, like all others, are far from perfect and tend to screw up. Much like I don’t crucify myself for taking a wrong turn while driving (a mistake), I’ll not crucify myself for my slip up. Plus I believe that being truthful adds a level of integrity that my life has been lacking.
I screwed up. Let’s move on.
Things I have learned from 17 days of sobriety:
1. It’s nice to see the world on a non-sexual way.
2. It’s nice to have conversations with My Bride NOT centered on sex or me trying damned hard to avoid the topic.
3. I’m human. Mistakes are allowed.
4. This is a journey of progress, not perfection.
5. It’s not about the shit you step in, it’s only about how you wipe it off your heels that matters.
I have joined up with the One Health community. It’s a great online addiction support resource. I see it as Facebook for addicts. I get quite a lot of support there and those folks help me through my struggles, much like the people who comment here do.
Every little bit helps.
Here’s what I GET to do.
A. I get to try for an even longer sobriety term. I’ll be damned if 17 days is going to stand as my longest streak ever.
B. I get to work on accepting my humanity.
C. I get to continue growing in my recovery.
D. I get to keep working on my defects.
E. I get to continue healing my marriage.
F. I get to work on increasing the trust in my marriage.
There’s quite a bit more, but I think I drove the point home decently enough.
To wrap it up. I’m disappointed, I’m excited, I’m PROUD and I’m eager to continue.
I still claim success in abstinence (Day 10). I didn’t attempt relations with My Bride.